It has been twenty-eight months since Adrienne’s hysterectomy. Last year I made a request to our friends to help us celebrate our post-infertility life. August 11th is this week and we still don’t have a name for I-had-my-uterus-and-ovaries-taken-at-32-so-I-will-never-have-children-of-my-own day (someone call Hallmark). At any rate, here’s what we are going to do on Thursday.
Celebrate the life and happiness we have
We celebrated our 10 year anniversary last September with an Alaskan cruise. We stay out late and listen to live music and her migraines due to hormone replacement are far more infrequent. Adrienne spent ten days in Malaysia. We continue to thrive despite my layoff eight months ago.
Emphasize accomplishments
Adie passed her PhD qualifying exams and is nearly finished! I founded a brewery and a freelance software company. These things are not impossible with children in tow, but I would feel much more pressure to stabilize our income and she to stay home if there was more responsibility over our heads.
Show that we are whole people
Any -ectomy takes something beyond guts & viscera away from a person. As time goes on this feeling fades. You’ll have to take it from Adrienne, because I don’t really know what it’s like.
I’ll close the same way I did last year: we are not the only ones.
So many couples and singles struggle with their sense of childless self worth.
Think of them on this day. If you would like to help, it is simple as a phone call, email, tweet or Facebook post just to say “hi” or to remind someone of the good they do.
This day is not about trying or failing to be a parent. We need neither sympathy nor reminders of our “enviable freedom” and that parenthood is “not all joy“. At the same time the day’s purpose is not to belittle family. Remember, Adrienne and I still make a family. Reinforce the good things that all of do.
While not having kids when you really wanted them is a challenge you sumed it up well in your post. Moving on to what the positives are in life will secure your future .
We all wonder what “could have been” or what life does not give us but keeping the small things in perspective affords you rewards not otherwise noticed.
While it’s not impossible for My wife and I to have children between chemo drugs for my wifes breast cancer and age it makes it near impossible at this point.
Life gives us other blessings to embrace and looking at the past can cloud the future.
Adie and you have been so strong and commited to each other during these trails and it makes me so proud to be part of your family. What you have done to overcome the challenges of life gives new meaning to making lemonade out of lemons.
Thanks for the comment Carlin. It means a lot to Adie & I.
You two make a devoted, creative, powerful family. And, you bring others into your family circle and lovely home too. I love you, Mom
I came across your blog while searching for another topic and I am terribly moved by your story. I have been thinking about you both all day and although I cannot completely understand what you are going through everyday, I do send a silent prayer your way – God only sends such struggles to people who have the strength to face them. I hope you and your wife find the strength to m