Fourty months ago Adrienne had a hysterectomy. We saw three Mother’s and Father’s Days since the decision. Each one is easier than the previous. The first one Adrienne wrote
There is no I-had-my-uterus-and-ovaries-taken-at-32-so-I-will-never-have-children-of-my-own day. If someone makes one, I hope it’s in August. I don’t have anything else to celebrate in August.
Today, August 11th, we observe that day. The name isn’t catchy, the sentiment too raw, and it risks emphasizing our infertility. One friend suggested Bragging Day and sometimes we call it Phantom Uterus Day, but I’m not sure either gets the point across. Adie & I had some decisions, truly life-altering, world-shaking realities, forced on us but we want to make something positive out of our situation.
Let’s try to give today a good name. Please think about someone that cannot or will not have kids and drop them a note to:
Celebrate the life and happiness they have
We let go of a lifetime of desires and expectations while simultaneously redefining and reorienting ourselves. This process is not over, but our goal on this day is to be happy with all we have.
Emphasize accomplishments
Birthing and raising children is often quoted as the biggest accomplishment a person can make. We do not believe it. Your affirmation drives us on to other altruistic endeavors.
Show that they are whole people
Any -ectomy takes something away from a person. We felt “broken” and may not get over that.
Today is not about trying or failing to be a parent. We need neither sympathy nor reminders of our “enviable freedom” and that parenthood is “not all joy“. At the same time the day’s purpose is not to belittle family. Reinforce the good things that all of us do.
If you have a good name for today post it in the comments, twitter, facebook or email.
Thought about un-mother’s day this morning, then spent all day driving from Bayfield to Durango to Bayfield to Durango — four times — buying windows, and having them break before getting them home. A lesson in futility, which somehow seems appropriate, and it almost rhymes with you know what. Each person on the planet has been given a life. Thoughtful, intelligent people learn to do the best they can with what that life turns out to be. August 11, 2012, also happens to be the anniversary for my friend, Dumplin’, who lost her little boy in a 4-wheeler accident twenty-three years ago. There is no “worse” when it comes to loss and disappointment. Endurance Day? I dunno. Whatever you call it, celebrate, or memorialize, it’s good to remember that each of us has this one life and to celebrate that we know many thoughtful, intelligent people. I feel fortunate that my life has intersected with yours. Sing for joy; sing for sorrow; dance forever. Love y’all.
I get this. It does make me sad. All we’ve ever wanted was for you to be incredibly happy. You both have made us proud. Very proud. So maybe, the day should be called, celebration, or renewed life. or cross roads, or road less traveled day. Love you. Mom