Category Archives: Like a Ninja in a Skirt

She’s just like that

The Brundages and New Republic Brewing: A Saga in Many Parts

This year marked the 7th anniversary of New Republic Brewing—the company that had been percolating (brewing? Would that be a better term for this particular business?) in the back of Dean’s mind for a very, very long time. Over the past few months Dean and I have been asked over and over again what is going on with NRB, and what is going on with us. I’ve been giving the politic answer most of the time—we still have good friends at the brewery, and I didn’t want to jeopardize them or anything Dean might be doing next; there are times I don’t censor myself when I really should (I don’t know exactly *when* those times are, but it usually involves someone crying at the end, so you know).

 

Anyhow, I figured it was time to tell our side of the story, because I’m becoming less and less careful with my words. Might as well spell check along the way, I say! So, for those of you who have been asking, here’s the story of how we started and then left New Republic Brewing Co.

You’ve Been Warned!

Mandatory disclaimer: I’m going to be writing the version of events from my perspective (a super-informed perspective, containing only the correct facts and opinions based on reality, of course. I do observe and report facts for a living, after all). You can ask Dean about his. You can also ask anyone else involved in the brewery…that should be fun for them. Anyway, here we go

Setting the scene: 

There’s a special type of anger that comes with watching your favorite person on earth cry—especially when those tears are caused by someone being a right asshole. And ESPECIALLY when the person experiencing the pain is Dean; even tempered, fantastically wonderful, perfectly loving to all, Dean. I’ve never been great at hiding my anger (some people say that comes with being a red head, I say that comes from dealing with stupid people). This is one of the reasons I find Dean so amazing—he has near alien (at least to me) ability to control his emotions, and has on many occasions kept me out of prison by preventing certain murder. So when this man is overcome with sadness at the loss of a business, one he built from the ground up, one we sacrificed everything for, I get angry.

Dean making a happy face at two large ice cream cones
I mean, just look at that face! Who could hurt that face?!?

The phrase “it’s not personal, it’s just business” is one I have never agreed with.I have found those who use that phrase are invariably attempting to screw someone over, and are trying to distance themselves from their actions. I have learned to take this as a warning about their character in general—how can you think a business someone built isn’t personal? You can’t get more personal than that.

Dean smiling in front of a store display of Astrolabe beer by New Republic Brewing
Look at him! Nary a gray hair in sight, and the biggest smile in the world. That is someone who takes his business personally.

Over a year ago Dean left New Republic Brewing, the brewery he and I started back in 2010 (although we tend to count from 2011 when we were all official and made our first sale). We’ve been asked many times what happened, and Dean, in his calm and collected way simply says “I moved on.” I’m not so gracious…see that paragraph about my angry side. It’s taken me awhile to think about what to say about this chapter of our lives coming to a close, and this is it.

The Beginning

 

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? Way back in 2000 I was a master’s student at San Jose State, Dean and I were newly married, and a professor of microbiology was giving a talk on home brewing for the weekly seminar. Dean came with me to that talk and sat entranced. He had just started exploring the world of beer, having spent most of his life not drinking alcohol at all (for those of you that know Dean now…crazy, right?!? But he didn’t even drink on his 21st birthday, so there’s that). Anyhow, between the lecture on beer making and mentioning this possible new hobby to our families, Dean acquired a nice set of home brewing equipment and a passion for the craft. We were lucky enough to live in an area where home brewing was especially common and almost immediately found a group of like-minded individuals who shared the hobby. Ask us sometime about beer camping and how we came up with Coco Puff Porter—that beer club was the best.

Smiling Dean at a table in front of a beer judging scoring sheet
Dean was a beer judge for Sam Adam’s annual competition.
Adrienne sitting on the floor surrounded by beer judging sheets, trying to make a choice
I was the head steward at that same competition. This meant I made sure it was a blind tasting for everyone, tallied the scores at the end, and made sure the beers were properly served. I also didn’t have to taste the gross stuff

Fast forward to 2008. I had graduated and accepted a position at TAMU. Dean packed up his brewing equipment (along with the rest of the house) and we moved to Texas. This same year Dean purchased his first real brewing sculpture—a monstrosity of chrome and fire that launched him from making mediocre home brew to brewing consistently good beer. He also built a fermentation chamber that took up most of our living room for a bit…have I mentioned my endless patience yet? It should be obvious.

A metal stand with two brewing pots and a burner for home brewing
Ah, the thing that started it all, and what Dean needed to make his home brew great.

Hurricane season gave Dean some time to brew while we were stuck at home experiencing our first real Texas storm.Thus Rye of the Hurricane was born, and you could practically see the idea of an actual brewery grow in Dean’s head. Over the next year or so, Dean did a lot of fun beer-related things: he started the home brew club (Texas Aggieland Brew Club, or TABC) so we could have brew-ins with other beer lovers; he gave talks on brewing; he was interviewed by the local news on home brewing as a money saving measure (it was a recession, after all); and he was asked by restaurants to do special beer-food pairings.

A group of people gathered around a counter drinking homebrew and eating
Just look at that crew! The club is still going strong

That voice in his head got louder, and his recipes got better. There came a point where we had a “so, do you want to start a brewery or what?” talk. With that out in the universe, Dean began making beer and taking it to local businesses,asking if they would sell it. The wonderful staff at Village Cafe was the first support this crazy-ass dream, going so far as to sign an agreement stating they would carry our beer.

This was to be our first real business  (apart from dabbling in some web hosting and other online ventures—but then it was the 90s and who wasn’t doing online stuff then?!?) and we knew we needed not only money, but help.

A bit about Dean

One thing I have learned about Dean throughout the years is that he is able to do absolutely anything, mostly because he’s willing to admit what he doesn’t know and will get help when he needs it. This quality came in to play here, and we started looking for partners in the brewery who had business experience—someone who knew the things we didn’t know. We actually ended subtly “interviewing” several potential partners (there was one disastrous road trip that ended with an angry Adrienne in the back seat vowing to murder these people if we went into business with them. That was a fun day).

Let’s get this thing started!

Dean was asked to give a talk at Christopher’s World Grill for their Oktoberfest—he consulted on the types of beer to pair with various dishes, and spoke to a gathered group of foodies between each course. It was during this dinner that we met our eventual brewery partners—let’s call them Mr. and Mrs. Thing #1 (in deference to sweetie, I am doing the bare minimum to keep them anonymous. Luckily, anyone who knows us will know the names. Did I mention I’m not great at hiding my anger?) This couple had business experience, wanted to open a brewery, and seemed like the perfect fit. We went out several times, I never once wanted to kill them, they knew about the business side of things, and all seemed well. On one warm evening we sat on the deck at Ozonas and signed a contract to open the brewery, toasting with margaritas (there wasn’t much good beer on tap at the time, hence the need for a new brewery!)

Things moved pretty quickly after that. We worked up a business plan with Dean and Mr. Thing #1 taking the lead, while Mrs. Thing #1 and I stayed doing our respective careers (mine was grad school, so I guess “career” should be in quotes at that moment), and worked with the boys in the evenings and on weekends.

A walk in temperature chamber filled with fly cages
This is where I was living at the time, rearing maggots and testing them for stuff.

The boys spent a lot of time running numbers, meeting with business consultants, talking to lawyers, being all official and stuff. After a few months we boiled it down to two major needs:

  1. We needed money. We decided to start very small, building a “proof of concept” brewery of sorts, and then use that to get bigger investments.
  2. We needed recipes.

The money part was actually not that bad. We decided on starting with the paltry sum of $30,000 (if you were to ask us now, we would say never, never, never start a brewery with $30,000…it’s a nightmare of duct tape and expanda-foam, but we were young and naive then). Dean, as he always does, put set his mind to this goal, and got it done in a matter of weeks. Most of the money came from our friends and family.

Dean, Dean's dad, and Adrienne posing with beer behind the bar
Part of that family, and Dean’s namesake, Dean’s dad.

(I want to take a moment and thank all these people that believed in this crazy brewery idea from the beginning. Dean made phone calls, and would almost immediately get a “where do I send the check?” As an answer. This amount of support is amazing, and it means we are never alone in the world. You know what that feels like? That feels like we can do anything. It feels perfect. Thank you for that. Know we love you all).

 

OK, back to the long-winded story. Dean raised $30,000 from friends and family who wanted to support us. (Dare I say that Thing #1 didn’t contribute anything to this part? Yep, I’m gonna say it. Call me bitter if you want, but whatever. Sweetie did the work, sweetie had the contacts, sweetie is the best. Fight me). With this money and that fancy brew sculpture and fermentation chamber (yay for getting it out of my living room!) we went on the hunt for a brew space. Eventually, after many false starts, we landed in an empty warehouse space just outside of College Station.

Adrienne standing in a small warehouse with five plastic fermenters and nothing else
This was it. This was the start to the brewery

Once we got that warehouse space is when we could apply for the various permits it takes to brew beer for production in Texas. Fun game: ask any brewer about the TABC and current permits, and watch them quietly cry into their inevitable beer. Yeah, it’s bad. In order to apply for permits, we had to have our brewing space and equipment all ready to go, but we couldn’t actually *brew* in that space. Fun times.

Brewing at Home

So, we moved to our house. For MONTHS the boys worked on recipes. Once they got to a point where they liked the brew, they wanted people to try it. And thus was born the Wednesday Night Drinking at the Brundage’s tradition. Every Wednesday evening, we would open up our courtyard and our guest bathroom to whomever wished to come by. We had the brew sculpture out front, brewed some new recipes, and served free beer to our friends and neighbors. This became a rather popular event, with 30 or 40 people cramming into our front yard on busy nights and giving us feedback on the beer.

(Quick aside, this all happened during the fall semester I was studying for and sitting for my oral and written exams for my PhD. It was a blessing and a curse to come home from 12 hours of study or exams to a houseful of people. Some days it was a great break. Other days, it was more of me bitching that someone had taken my parking space and a swear to god if anyone talks to me on the way in the house I’m gonna scream. I apologize to anyone who got caught in the wake of that time. I don’t recommend it).

Two bunches of fly eggs next to a micrometer
I was spending a lot of time dissecting flies. You’re looking at clutches of fly eggs dissected out of a gravid female. I did so many of these.

These months allowed us to really refine our recipes through good, honest, slightly drunk feedback. Like that time we were working on the coffee beer, and someone told us the buzz from the coffee was fighting with the high alcohol, and he felt weird and wanted to go for a run but also sleep. Ah, the wonders of chemistry.

During this time, Dean still had his other job—he worked remotely for a large computer company, and was doing all of this stuff while keeping us afloat. I’m not sure when he remembered to sleep, but it wasn’t often. It was also pretty hard trying to talk about the brewery without alerting his bosses that he *might* have a side gig that just *might* become a full time thing eventually. That’s a thin line to walk.

The Brewery Begins!

Eventually (after approximately one million years) our permits came through, and we could move to the brewery proper. Have I mentioned how much of the equipment was stored at our house?!? It was like getting two new rooms once we were able to move. Complete spacious joy!

Look at it! Marvel at it’s beauty!!

On the down side, that Christmas Dean got laid off from his job. He had the opportunity to apply for other positions in the company, but decided to freelance while he got the brewery up and running. I can’t tell you how brave he was for doing that, how scary it was to think about, and how little money we made that year. I was still a graduate student, getting paid the tiniest stipend (and I ended up losing that when I went to work for Baylor for a semester, because I was given an ultimatum. I don’t do well with ultimatums).

 

(Ok, another aside: I REALLY don’t do well with ultimatums. You tell me that I better not do something I want to do or else something bad is going to happen? I will choose that bad thing EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. There comes a point I don’t give a shit about what happens to me, just as long as you don’t get your way because of an ultimatum. Some say it’s a flaw. I say it’s the perfect way to deal with that bullshit. Also, if you want me to do something, this is the perfect way—just give me the ultimatum not to do it, and it’s pretty much guaranteed. The more you know. Don’t worry, this will come into play later).

 

Anyhow, I was given the ultimate to not teach at Baylor for a semester or else I would lose my stipend, I worked at Baylor. Dean worked to get freelance jobs. We earned right around $12,000 that year. That sucked.

 

However! It did give Dean the time and focus he needed to start the brewery proper. He was working many, many hours a day getting this set and going, and go they did. It was nerve wracking for a bit (actually, it was nerve wracking a lot of the time, but whatever), and we didn’t end up getting our license to sell beer until just a day or so before our first big planned event. Exiting! (I lie—it’s was terrifying).

A booth at a festival. Adrienne is inside selling beer
And here is that festival. Everything went so right and so wrong. It was awesome.

But we did it, and things started moving. We had what we like to call a nano brewery, and we started to get a really great following. We started with that hard core group that came every week to our yard to try new beers, and now came every weekend to our taproom. That’s a good crew to have on your side.

A man reclining in a chair at a cafe after buying a pint of beer
Our very first sale! Thanks Darrel! He’s been with us since the front porch days

Moving on up

After a few years of a million hour a week work (with the ladies in the couples helping out on evenings and weekends again), we realized we needed to expand and get some help. We started with interns.

Three interns asleep in the back of a car
Look at these interns! All tuckered out from a long day. Adorable

Interns are the best, and we really couldn’t have grown the brewery without money without these heroes. Ask any one of them what it was like sitting in the cold box, shaking kegs for a prescribed amount of time (we didn’t have a carbonation set up, you see, so to get the kegs carbonated, we had to attach them to a CO2 line and shake them for a long time. Seriously. Interns are heroes).

An intern asleep under a table on a pile of 50 pound bags of grain
One of our interns taking a nap on a pile of grain bags. They worked their butts off

We also relied on the kindness of our very own MacGyver—Mr. Ryan Passarelli. Let me tell you about Ryan. He’s one of those guys that can look at a problem, and come back within a day with a solution using only bubblegum and floss. He used to visit the young brewery a few times a week, and just stare at things that needed to be fixed. I remember him returning one day with a contraption made of pallets and the motor from a windshield wiper that would shake the kegs for us so our interns could do other work. He also fixed more things with duct tape and a surprising number of salad bowls. He’s a wizard, I tell you.

Ryan holding a hose to the bottom of a piece of equipment with an intern in a forklift next to him.
Ryan fixing something with magic and spit.

Anyhow, through a group of really talented, really dedicated, and all around beautiful people, we kept the brewery going. It came to the point where we needed to expand, and we needed money to do so. This was going to take more than just a friends and family this time—we needed to reach out.

Dean on a ladder at the brewery talking to a group of people
Dean giving a tour of the tiny brewery.

 

More Investments

Our goal was $300,000. Big, yes, but we had the beer and the data to back it up. Again, it didn’t take long. We had people coming out of the woodwork to invest. It was fantastic. We made the jump to a bigger facility next door, and started making even more beer. We went back and forth between if we should go with a distributor or not, how we should organize our team, who we should hire, all that jazz. Eventually, things got on solid ground.

 

Let me take a moment, here, and discuss working with partners. Having a business partner is very much like being married. You are going to spend countless hours with someone who has different views, different opinions, a different background, and different life experiences from you.

Adrienne standing on a beach looking down at her hand and looking mildly angry.
Me, on our honeymoon, right in the middle of a fight with Dean. Over peanut butter. Shut up.

This will inform their choices and responses to everything that happens in that business, and this can cause some friction. Let me tell you, friction was there from the beginning between Dean and Mr. Thing #1.

 

However, some friction is good. When you have two people with different views, this means that each side has to argue for what they think is right; they have to articulate their reasoning, they have to understand why they think the way they do, and they have to communicate well. This inevitably results in a better company, and a pair of people willing to work together towards a common goal. This was something Dean kept in mind the whole time working at the brewery, because man, there was some friction.

Story Time!

Story time again! The first real big blow up between the partners happened one night before tap room. Apparently the boys were disagreeing on some future direction for the brewery, and it came to a head. Each of the boys has very VERY different communication styles, and each was taking the other’s communication style in the wrong way. It’s like those first few years of marriage, where the honeymoon period has worn off and now you have permission to fight. And fight they did.

A large group of people waiting for beer at the brewery
Look at all those people! Now imagine a fight amongst that. Fun for all

Anyhow, this one evening, I walk into the taproom to see the interns in various clusters around the brewery, all talking urgently. Dean was no where to be seen. Mr. Thing #1 was in the backyard puttering about. I was mobbed by our interns the second I walked in, and got a frantic and garbled version of the days events. Apparently, Dean and YELLED at Mr. Thing, and Mr. Thing had YELLED back. It was over! Everything was awful! Also, if you know Dean, he’s not a yeller. This was definitely strange.

What happened was problems in communication. Mr. Thing #1 is a lot like me—he processed stuff by talking it out. Dean was his partner in the business and therefore the best sounding board for this type of processing. Dean, on the other hand, processes things by getting very quiet and thinking it through. He doesn’t talk about the subject until he has thoroughly digested it, and is ready to state his solution.

Dean was taking Mr. Thing’s talking as if it were Mr. Thing’s final stance on the issue after long rumination. Mr. Thing was taking Dean’s silence as not caring about the issue at all. See the problem?

Well, they blew up at each other, had a screaming fight in the brewery, and then went off to calm down alone, leaving the interns to wonder “why are dad and dad fighting?!?” When I got there, it was kind of like “mom! Dads are fighting!! Are we getting divorced?” It was adorable. That evening was a long discussion with me and Mrs. Thing #1 as mediators, explaining to the boys how our respective husbands communicated, and the boys coming to an understanding. They decided that they needed to check in with each other at least once a week, away from the brewery, to figure out what was happening. A business date night, if you will. This worked beautifully, as you might imagine. Happy days for all!

Communication at its Finest

Going forward, there was lots of tension over how to run things, but the partners were pretty good at talking it all out. Compromises had to be made, but that’s the nature of working with a partner. The big thing they had was trust–trust that each would listen to the other, trust that they could say what they thought and know they were safe with each other. They both trusted that the other had the business’s best interest at heart, and they were in it together until the end.

The boys learned how to communicate better, with only one or two major blow ups happening.

One notable fight involved the communication issue again. Dean and Mr. Thing were stuck on a major decision, and each had very, very different ideologies. Mr. Thing, in his typical fashion, used Dean as a sounding board to air out his thought process. One of those thoughts was “well, if you don’t like it, we will buy you and Adrienne out!” Ah, ultimatums. You remember how I respond to those? Welp, apparently Dean has the same reaction, but not as sever.

When Mr. Thing said those words, Dean stopped and very quietly said “If you ever say that to me again, I will take you up on that offer. Don’t put the words out there if you don’t mean them.” Dean’s a little scary when he gets that serious that fast.

The second notable fight was about the same basic idea. The brewery wasn’t making enough money fast enough, and we needed to grow. In arguing on how to handle this problem, Mr. Thing one said that maybe we should sell the brewery. Again, scary quiet Dean answered with “the next time you say that, we will buy you out.” I guess you shouldn’t threaten this brewery with sweetie around!

It keeps going….

Dean put everything into this brewery. He spent all of his nights and weekends there. Once we expanded, we negotiated taking a salary so he could actually get *paid* for the 100 hour work weeks. (Of course, that only lasted 18 months, and then after that no more salary. We put the money into hiring more people. Good times). We spent most of our free time doing brewery stuff.

There was that time that he called me in a panic because the barcodes on the beer labels weren’t scanning, and we had a delivery set for early the next morning. Dean refused to let the delivery driver help fix this, since delivering to Houston was a HUGE job and this guy got paid next to nothing. So there we were, Dean and I, printing new barcodes and hand labeling cans at 1 am on a work night, just so the rest of the staff could go home. That cold box is cold! At least we were laughing.

There was that time that we got an infection in the beer, and Dean and Mr. Thing couldn’t quite figure out where it was coming from. I got to help by designing a very, very cheap testing protocol and running it (the upside of microbiology training!). This had to happen on the day when a university group was touring the brewery…so Dean was giving a talk, while keeping one worried eye on me while I tried to find the infection. He’s damn good at multitasking.

There was that time that, after many rounds of cleaning and an implemented testing protocol, Dean found evidence of a bacterium in the beer. He wouldn’t stop talking about it during date night, so on the way home from a late-night party, we stopped at the brewery to run some tests and see if we could find the infection. (Spoiler alert—the testing equipment was contaminated).

There was that time that instead of an anniversary present, Dean asked that I research how to make the hefeweizen yeast produce more of the banana flavors desirable for the beer in order to make Skylight better. I basically gave him a PowerPoint presentation as a gift. He loved it.

 

Some More About Dean (aka Sweetie)

Dean lived that brewery. He loved that brewery. Watching him work at this labor of love, I learned a whole lot about my husband (go go gadget bullet point mode!)

Dean and Adrienne holding hands and talking on a corner in San Francisco
This was taken by Dean’s mom when the three of us were walking around San Francisco. She’s an awesome photographer
  • Dean really, really cares about people. He spent a lot of time worrying about keeping the staff happy. Since we didn’t have a lot of money, we couldn’t pay high salaries (even once we stopped taking a salary for ourselves). Dean tried to compensate by doing things like handing over the beer pilot program to the employees, encouraging them to create their own beers, taking them to networking events, teaching them how to judge beer, and being sad yet supportive if they decided to get a job elsewhere. 
  • Dean is a damn good brewer. I watched him spend HOURS tweaking a recipe until it was just right. He refused to put out a beer that he didn’t enjoy, and would happily dump a beer (and whatever profits) to ensure the highest quality of product got sent to our retailers. Dean’s got this special smile for good beer. Watch him the next time he takes his first swig of a really good brew…it’s like he holds it in his mouth for a moment, and does this pursed-lipped, joyful smile. He eyes crinkle up all cute, and then he just whispers “damn, that’s good.” Happens every time. 
  • Dean put everything he has into his work. He was once told “it’s not personal, it’s only business” and he retreated into his mind for a good few hours until I could get out of him what was wrong. He then said “But, it is personal. It’s MY business.” That is how he sees what he does. He put his all into what he does, and that comes with some personal risk. It also comes with great reward, so it’s worth it. 
  • Dean is a damn good boss. He worries about his employees. He wants the best for the business and his people. He willing to reprimand when necessary, willing to complement and reward when deserved. If he doesn’t know how to handle something he will work to find the best way. He can take an angry employee in stride and protect everyone else. He’s happy to have someone hate him if it’s the right thing to do. That’s hard. Dean makes it look easy. 
  • Dean doesn’t scare easily, nor does he anger easily. He can take on the world, and do it in a quiet, and even tempered way. He does this thing where if something bad happens at work he responds with “Well, let’s not have that happen again.” When something good happens, he says “Well, let’s do that again.” He’s measured and calm and thoughtful in the face of extreme stress. I want whatever he’s got going on in his brain. 
  • Dean is extremely giving. In the business world, it’s very easy to fall prey to having it out for the competition. I’ve seen other business owners be down right rude when talking to someone who *might* be a competitor, let alone someone who is in direct competition. Dean is just the opposite. He did everything in his power to ensure that the brewing business was welcoming. We had an untold number of potential brewers come into the brewery just to see how it all worked. (Southern Star Brewery did the same for us…they are rock stars!). Dean spent hours talking to people who wanted to open breweries in town, giving them advice, helping them learn the ropes, and letting them practice in our space. He hates the animosity that competition brings out, and refuses to participate. 
  • I love him.
Dean and Adrienne snuggling on a bench in front of a river
I really, really do.

 

The part where Adrienne gets rude

Welp, things went on. Now, I’m going to get a bit rude here—fair warning. Keep in mind I was watching from the outside (or partially inside when needed). Here is where I’m going to admit I don’t know the whole story. Remember how I told you that Dean tends to keep things to himself? This holds true for us as a couple. I ask him everyday “Anything good happen today? Anything bad happen today?” And invariably his answer to both questions is “Nope.” Come to find out he had oral surgery, got three new accounts, a plane crashed into the parking lot, and he got interviewed by the press. He just doesn’t consider those “day-to-day” things important enough to talk about.

Dean walking away from a small aircraft crashed in the parking lot of the brewery.
Seriously…a plane actually crashed at the brewery.

So, this information is what I got from him at moments when I pried it out of him. Also remember that Dean sees the best in everyone and everything, so his version of events tends to err on the side of positive. I, on the other hand, am going to go on a bit of a rant that’s been building up for years. You’ve been warned.

Look! A List!

Here are problems I noticed with the brewery partnership from the beginning. Let’s get into bullet format again, shall we?

  • Mr. Thing #1 believed “it’s not personal, it’s only business.” Dean is the exact opposite. While differences of opinion are good (great at times, even) this fundamental view informs EVERYTHING, and caused a lot of problems. 
  • Mr. Thing wasn’t great with people who thought/felt different than himself. Dean spent a lot of time working through this and being frustrated by it, but eventually coming to terms. Other people, like our vendors, were not so understanding. It came to the point Mr. Thing was not allowed to talk to our designers because he had no clue how and artist’s mind works, and was so rude to them they almost quit. 
  • Mr. Thing could not brew well. When we were trying to figure out how to break up the duties at the brewery, some brew days fell to Dean, the others to Mr. Thing. Every time Mr. Thing brewed, he just couldn’t hit the correct numbers. The volume was off. The sugars were off. Everything was off. It got so bad, that Dean refused to let Mr. Thing brew any more. 
  • The books were a right mess. Dean had very little accounting experience, which he readily admitted at the beginning of this whole venture. This is why we needed someone else. Little did we know that Mr. Thing was someone who would say he knew how to do something, then go fake it until he makes it. That works for some stuff, but books? And taxes? And legal forms? Not so much. 
  • When you have investors, every year you have to send certain tax documents to those investors by a certain date so they can get their taxes ready to go. Remember that our early investors were friends and family. Mr. Thing would spend months not doing the books correctly and not getting the tax forms out. Then Dean and I would start to get angry phone calls from various family members and close friends, complaining that Mr. Thing was ignoring their calls. That was not awesome. 
  • Mr. Thing was very, very debt adverse, even when it came to getting lines of credit for the business. While having someone who doesn’t want to overspend is fantastic in a business, there’s also concessions that sometimes need to be made. 
  • Mr. Thing was easily swayed by people he thought of as knowledgeable. If he heard a podcast or audio book that sounded plausible, there was no changing his mind about it (until the next podcast/audio book with a charismatic speaker came along). I used to joke that if I wanted him to do something, I’d just have to have a strong-voiced guy record a podcast, and boom! Mr. Thing would be doing the thing. The down side of this was that there was no critical thinking to go along with this belief system, so whatever the last strong idea given to him was what Mr. Thing went with. Again, not awesome. 
  • Deliveries are a problem with a brewery. We were burning out our delivery person. Mr. Thing was against going with a distributor for various reasons, some of which we agreed with (like we wanted to keep ownership of our territory, and often time distributors didn’t give the little breweries a lot of attention). Dean felt the upsides out weighed the downsides. Mr. Thing thought the opposite, and just would not budge. Our delivery person became angrier and angrier. It was awful. 

    An old, gray delivery van that needs help
    Our van. Eventually it got painted…but not until after many, many months of driving it around
  • This is a personal one: Mr. Thing had a VERY hard time believing facts that I would state. I can’t tell you how many times I had to say “Do you want me to show you my PhD in THIS EXACT SUBJECT?” This sort of thing pisses me off. I gotta take a walk. I’ll be back in a minute.

    Adrienne smiling in line waiting to graduate with a PhD
    Me. PhD.
  • Mr. Thing had a lot of stuff that would take him away from the brewery. I understand that life happens, and you need to have a work-life balance. However, when starting a business, there’s an important trade off that needs to happen at the beginning. You don’t get to come in at 9 and leave at 5. You don’t get weekends. You work yourself to death for a bit with the idea that you will create something that eventually won’t need you. At least, that’s my take on it. Mr. Thing has kids, and is constantly sick, and has various other issues. I understand when kids need to be picked up and dropped off. I understand when you have a sinus infection. What I don’t understand is when these things happen so often that my husband has to work twice as much and twice as hard to make everything up, all without a salary. 
  • Mr. Thing decided we shouldn’t get paid, because we didn’t have enough money. Dean had different ideas on how to overcome this. It ended up we only took a salary for 18 months or so. I worked two or three jobs. Dean works the equivalent of three jobs. I’m a little bitter. 
  • Dean only took one vacation a year: Christmas time. The week between Christmas and New Years was dead for the business anyhow, so we usually shut down and opened again in January. Again, this was the ONLY time Dean took time off (he doesn’t have kids to take care of, he doesn’t get sick, he never left the brewery). Mr. Thing HATED it when Dean would leave for vacation in December. We always went to visit family, and Mr. Thing felt that Dean was leaving all the work to Mr. Thing (forgetting, of course, the many, many, MANY times Dean took over everything during the year). This pisses me off to do this day.

OK, that’s enough ranting. There were a lot of other things, but this has gone on long enough, I think. Let’s get on to the next bit.

2016: The beginning of the end

The brewery was growing. It was always on the verge of breaking through. What we needed was an influx of cash to make it to that next step. During 2016 that became our mission: more money for the brewery.

The year began with a possible new partner—let’s call him Mr. New. Mr. New had wanted to start his own brewery, but that didn’t work out. He opted for buying into ours. Fantastic! More money, another partner mean more people to help out, Mrs. New was super helpful, it was great. Mr. New took on the books (he had massive experience in accounting, and worked to get our accounting mess in order. This is when I learned exactly how bad it was, and how long it had been since we had pay our taxes. This was news to both me and Dean, and did not go over well. Mr. Thing was in lots of trouble, and we took that duty away from him). Now we have a new partner, doing the books, working around the brewery, and it was great.

A group of tables with people eating thanksgiving dinner among brewery equipment.
Thanksgiving at the brewery. Look how big and shiny everything is!

After a few months, however, things went to shit. Apparently, Mr. and Mrs. New had an agreement that Mr. New had a certain amount of time to start his brewery and get paid before he had to get a real job. Mr. New did not tell us that he was on his last 6 months of this agreed time. When it came out that we were not getting paid, and probably wouldn’t until we could get the new system purchased and online, and lots of new accounts set up, Mr. New decided to take his money and walk. On his way out, Mr. New STRONGLY suggested that we not let Mr. Thing touch the books again. We were just getting out of the taxes debt we had incurred, and we didn’t want to go down that road again. Dean took over the books. Great.

 

At this same time, we lost our Houston sales rep. He went on to greener pastures where money was better. We supported him in his decision, but this left us without anyone selling beer in Houston, a very big market.

We didn’t have a lot of money to hire a new sales person, so discussions began. In our stupid wisdom, we decided to go with Mr. Things plan: Dean would become the Houston sales rep, Mr. Thing would become the local sales rep, and our current, tired delivery person would continue delivering to Houston while Mr. Thing would deliver locally. Fine.

Recap Time!

Now let’s recap: this leaves Dean as the only person at the brewery actually making the beer. Dean was also driving to Houston three days a week to sell beer and keep our accounts happy. Dean is also in charge of ordering supplies (a job he tried to give to several of our employees, but still had to manage over all). Finally, Dean was in charge of accounting. In my mind, what was there left to running a brewery? Dean was doing EVERYTHING, while Mr. Thing was simply wandering around the local town selling beer and calling in sick once a week. I was angry.

Dean, on the other hand, defended Mr. Thing to the hilt (because Dean is the best person on earth). Dean believed he and Mr. Thing had a fantastic partnership; Mr. Thing deserved the sick time and needed to be with his family; Mr. Thing was a great worker and was an asset to the brewery; Mr. Thing was a great friend and Dean trusted him totally and completely. That’s Dean for ya—he’ll see the best in you no matter what.

Dean looking cute and drinking beer at a resturant
Seriously, just look at that face.

Well, there we were, still out money, and a couple of employees down. We spent the summer entertaining an offer of partnership from an outside group that Dean and Mr. Thing eventually decided wasn’t a good fit—they wanted to own a controlling interest, and given the amount of work both dean and Mr. Thing put into the brewery, no one was going to get a controlling partnership but us, dammit!

By the end of the summer, we were pretty desperate. Dean and Mr. Thing were hardly in the same room at the same time, and tensions were growing. Remember how they promised to check in together at least once a week? With the crazy schedules that became impossible, and a lot of festering anger was bubbling to the surface. But they kept on working…you know how it is.

Someone Steps In

At the end of the summer one of our early supporters, a regular at the tap room, and a guy we felt was a pretty good friend came to us saying he had the money and wanted to buy into the brewery. I’m going to call him Thing #2, just for the bare minimum of anonymity. It was amazing! Having been burned in the past by Mr. New, we jumped at this opportunity and got the papers signed with Thing #2 in record time.

Those first few weeks were FANTASTIC! We bought stuff that we needed! We looked into hiring new people! We planned to build a stage for the tap room! We got new tables! It was glorious. I bet you can guess where this is going, though, right?

 

A month or so into our blissful new partnership, Dean and Mr. Thing #1 were still on the road a lot, and there was still some tension there, but we saw things getting better. We started doing these movie nights at the brewery, and they were doing great. Thing #1 and Thing #2 REALLY wanted to put money into the taproom, and that’s exactly what we were doing.

 

ONe evening at a movie I was sitting with Thing #2, and I got my first taste of something not so great. Remember what I said about ultimatums earlier? Well, Thing #2 didn’t like one of our bartenders. Let me be clear—we didn’t have the money to pay our bartenders very much, so we did everything we could to make their employment worthwhile. This often meant hiring get people with little to no experience and giving them lost of training. It was the least we could do, after all, but it meant we couldn’t attract the best of the best—we had to get them there ourselves.

 

Thing #2 really didn’t like one of our workers. He had had a few drinks, and told me straight up we needed to fire this particular person. I said that I liked the bartender as a person, they tried really hard, and while they were not the perfect bartender yet, they were learning. When they made a mistake, we would correct them and they would do better next time. Besides, we were paying them next-to-nothing, yet this bartender was still very, very loyal to the brewery and to us, and that’s not something you can teach.

 

Thing #2 responded with “No. If we don’t fire the bartender, I’m going to take my money and leave.” Now, let’s think about this for a moment. This new partner, who wanted to be a part of an active brewery, one that was working so well people loved it, this partner was willing to burn those bridges over a part time bartender? And willing to give one of the original owners an ultimatum to that effect? Well, OK. That told me a whole *hell* of a lot about this new partner.

 

On the way home that evening I was FUMING. I told Dean about it, and said that there was no way in hell we were going to bend to this type of ultimatum, and that we needed a meeting with all the partners to figure out some things. Dean, in his characteristic way, went quiet and started ruminating on the problem. I started ranting about the problem. During the (mostly one sided) conversation, I said that I would rather burn the brewery to the ground that bend to this stupid request. Dean quietly asked that I not burn his brewery down, please. Fine. I won’t. This time. Dean spent the rest of the evening wondering on how to deal with this.

 

Two days later I find out that we fired the bartender. Thing #1 agreed with Thing #2, and overruled Dean. We lost a potentially great worker and burned a bridge with a really great person for no real reason I can see. It sucked.

After that, things got worse. We started getting lots of reports that Thing #2 was drinking a lot at taproom. On evenings we were there, we spent quite a bit of time talking to irate customers who had been insulted by Thing #2. Those weekends we gave away a lot of free beer, just to keep our customers happy, and hope that they would return despite the bad experience. Given Dean’s love of people, it was rough to watch him have to do this.

Dean kept trying to catch Thing #2 at the brewery to talk about this pattern, but Thing #2 never seemed to be around when Dean was there. Thing #1 was even making himself scarce, so the problem seemed to get worse and worse. Eventually Dean implemented a “no drinking when working the bar” rule that we didn’t have before, just to stop Thing #2 from pissing off our paying customers.

The End

This continued until our annual vacation. This year we were visiting my family in California, and we were going to go for a full two weeks. It would be great! Dean, however, with his overload of work, decided it would be the perfect time to analyze the books. He’d been keeping up with the accounting during the year, but hadn’t had the chance to really delve into the data and see where we could grow.

While visiting my family, Dean spent a good 8 hours a day or so working on accounting. He decided that evenings would be free for vacation, but that this work needed to be finished if the brewery was going to move forward. I’m damn proud of him for that.

A pile of presents in front of a christmas tree
Christmas is the best!

His work yielded some very interesting results. He found that our sales had been flat for a good 18 months or so, despite our best efforts. He brainstormed some ideas, ran some numbers, and came up with a solution: we needed to be a brewpub for a bit.

Some Background

Let me explain. In Texas, there are two classifications for breweries: production brewery and brewpub. Production breweries produce beer to be sold at retailers. In the past few years the laws changed a bit to allow for sales at an on site tap room, but these sales are only by the pint—production breweries cannot sell to go (in cans, growers, or bottles); everything has to be consumed on the premises. The upside of a production brewery is high limit of beer that can be sold into the market, which is why we went with it at the beginning. So we were a production brewery with a taproom that could sell for on site consumption.

A brewpub has a much smaller limit of beer that it can sell into the market. However, it can sell to go from the taproom, so you can fill up a growler or get a 6 pack of cans and take them off premises. A few years ago the laws changed to allow brewpubs to sell more beer into the market…still less than a production brewery, but way more than a tiny brewery makes in a year.

 

Back to the Story

Now that you know the background, back to the story.

Dean found that New Republic was not producing anywhere near the production limit for production breweries; we weren’t even producing near the limit for brewpubs. He also discovered that every time we got a new influx of money, we would pour it into the taproom, since that is what was keeping the lights on and paying the rent in lean months. It made sense.

 

Remember that we didn’t have a distributor—we had decided to self distribute to keep more ownership. The problem was we weren’t putting any money into our self distribution set up. We had one decrepit van, one delivery person, and that’s it. It was doomed to fail.

 

Dean had an idea—every few years we have to renew our license anyhow, and we were up for renewal in a few months. Since we were putting all our money into the taproom anyhow, why didn’t we change from a production brewery to a brewpub? It would be at least two years before we reached the production limits of the brewpub, and in the meantime we could sell to go from the tap room. According to his numbers, this would give us enough cushion to work on our distribution, hire some sales reps, and get the taproom all beautiful. He projected that our sales numbers would begin to rise again, and all would be well.

 

He floated this idea in a group chat with Thing #1 and Thing #2. It did not go well. Thing #2 said that we promised we were a production brewery, and that if we changed he would take his money and leave (it was his go to threat). Thing #1 was apparently totally scared of Thing #2 and just did what he wanted.

 

Dean and his long time partner got into a huge fight. Dean called Thing #1 to talk about Thing #2’s tactics, and instead ended up airing out a huge number of issues that had been bubbling below the surface for both of them. It was like that first major fight years before, except this time we were in California and couldn’t smooth things over as easily. It also came out that Thing #1 was pretty pissed that Dean had decided to go on vacation. Don’t get me started on that.

 

Now, I new little about this at the time. Remember that Dean doesn’t speak until he has really thought something through, so he spent a day or so in near silent contemplation. I got a little out of him, but not much. Later I learned that he spent one sleepless night considering what it would be like to have to leave the brewery. That must have sucked, and I wish I had known. My poor sweetie.

 

At the end of our vacation, we return to Texas. This is a Thursday afternoon. Dean decides to not go into the brewery that day (looking back, this should have been a big red flag for me, but I didn’t yet know the extent of the fight he and Thing #1 had had).

 

Dean heads to work at his normal early hour the next day, and then came home at 10 am. That was weird. I’m surprised to see him, and when he walks in he says “well, Thing #1 asked to buy us out of the brewery. What do you think?”

 

Should we leave?

I was stunned. I had no idea what to think about this. Dean and I spent the rest of the day talking, and he gave me the whole story of what happened over vacation. I was LIVID, but Dean’s damn good at keeping me calm. In our minds we had two options: either take the pay out and walk away, or assume this was just another empty offer from Thing #1 like before. Remember when Dean told Thing #1 that if he ever offered that again, he better mean it? Yep, we did, too.

However, we didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, and decided that Dean should call the original investors, those friends and family that had supported us all those years ago, and see what they thought. Dean took the weekend and made the calls. He spoke to everyone who had given us money to chase this crazy dream, and told them the story. That must have been the hardest thing he had to do. Every single person told Dean that they invested in him, not the brewery, and that if he needed to leave, he should leave.

Looking back, I know Dean’s mind was made up after that sleepless night in California. You can only push him so far, and he will only get angry so many times. Dean had a sound financial plan, backed with data, and a way to move this business he loved forward. He was being thwarted for no apparent reason other than the partner just didn’t want to. You simply don’t do that. Not to Dean.

Dean walked into the brewery that Monday morning and took the buy out. I have no idea if this is what Thing #1 & #2 were expecting or not—I kind of hope this hit them where it hurt.

That afternoon, my husband of 17 years came home and cried, just for a minute, on my shoulder. He had just signed away a huge part of his life, a part that he loved, and a part he was really, really going to miss. Did I mention how much I will hate you if you make the love of my life cry? I’m looking at you Thing #1 and Thing #2.  

 

Over the next few weeks there were a lot of papers to sign, and a lot of things to process. We got the first of the payout right away, with a promise for the rest in July. We met with lawyers, we had thing notarized, we signed stacks of forms, and we got our first check. That part was kind of great. We paid off my student loans, we paid off the debt we had accrued through this whole adventure, and we bought some nice things for ourselves (Dean got a great watch and I got a lap harp. Awesome things for awesome times).

Adrienne playing a red lap harp
Hello beautiful.

Suddenly, Dean had a lot of time on his hands. He decided to take some much needed time off, regroup, and figure out where to go next. This was wonderful for him—he deserved it more than anything. He started discovering hobbies again, he did projects around the house, he cooked. It was great.

Dean with three other people on the back porch using old brewing equipment to cook crabs
Dean with time on his hands cooking crabs

The downside was Dean had had his trust broken. He had spent the majority of a decade working ridiculous hours with Thing #1. They were close…we jokingly called them “Hetero-life-partners” simply because of the amount of time they spent together and how much they loved each other. They really were great friends, despite all the disagreements. We had dinners together a lot; we talked about traveling together; we knew each others’ families. We were all pretty great friends. This is the man that told Dean to leave his own brewery, without discussion, without a thought for the partnership.

What’s Happening Now

Dean still isn’t over this, and I don’t think he will be for a long time. Leaving a business like that is harder than it seems. The old employees still depended on Dean. One asked that Dean come to the next New Republic Anniversary party, because this employee had designed a beer that he was really proud of. We went. I spent the time at the winery next door. Dean went around and greeted all his old friends. We left early.

 

If you ask Dean what he thinks about it now, he will tell you that he hopes the brewery thrives. He started this company, and a big part of him is still there. He doesn’t want to see that die. That’s a hard place to be.

 

In the months after this business divorce, we started new ventures. I’m sure you’ve heard us talking about Blake’s Steaks, our new restaurant. We took the rest of the buy out funds and gave it to our friend Blake to open his dream business. This has been going great. But that’s another blog post for another time.

Dean and Adrienne kissing at the opening of Blake's Steaks
We never learn. 🙂

Every once in a while I will still see Dean get melancholy about the brewery. He still cares for the people there, and I think the betrayal of a trusted friend is something that he will carry for a very, very long time. I don’t blame him. Dean gives all of himself to his relationships. If you are lucky enough to be one of his friends, you know this. He expects nothing but mutual trust in return. It hurts when that trust is broken.

The End?

So, that’s the story. It’s a long one, and now you know my many opinions on the thing. I am angry on Dean’s behalf, and there are days I hope Thing #1 and Thing #2 die in a fire (now, don’t get pissed—you know this is mostly hyperbole, and I usually calm down after a bit, but still).

Bottom line, though, is I’m really glad we did it. We’ve made some amazing friends, and become a part of an amazing community all because of the brewery. Even though it ended pretty badly, the time we had together through this I wouldn’t change for the world.

A small band set up, with a woman singing and a man playing guitar. In front is a bass drum saying the band name "Grifters and Shills"
Just look at these talented musicians! We met them because of the brewery, and we count them as friends. That’s awesome

It’s been over a year now since this happened, and I guess I just need the information out there. I hope this answers everyone’s questions! Good on you for sticking with me to the end…I know I can go on a bit, especially when it comes to sweetie. But here we are, moving forward, as per usual. I’m glad you’re here with us.

 

—Adrienne

 

“`

 

Happy New Year. I wonder if I did anything?

Adrienne’s Life Goals (List started December, 1996 and updated each year since then) I’ve bolded the ones that I accomplished since I last updated the list last year.

1. Rollerblade in every major city in the world (Don’t know if I want to do this one any more or not. I’m really not all that into rollerblading. Biking might be a more feasible option).
2. Win a Nobel Prize
3. Study insects in the Australian Canopy (I used to get a magazine as a kid that advertised scientist-led trips in the back. One was a trip to the Australian Rainforest where you’d get to help survey the insects. They said you’d probably find several new species. I have to get there).
4. Become fluent in Spanish (took it in high school, remember little)
5. Be written about in some major tabloid
6. Make a major discovery in cancer research
7. Breed some sort of animal (I finished this one in 1998–I bred crane flies, beetles, crickets, and whatever else my boss brought in for a year)
8. Get married and raise a family (Part one–done 9/3/00! So that part two thing won’t work. Anyhow.)
9. Get a PhD in Entomology (Getting close now!)
10. Make a major entomological discovery (I’m really not sure what counts as “major.” I guess I’ll figure that out as I go along)
11. Become a college professor
12. Ear $20,000 a year with my harp (I think I will work on this in 2010)
13. Read the entire works of Shakespeare (did I mention I’m really into Shakespeare?)
14. Learn to ride a bike well (I’ve decided the tandem doesn’t count, but is a hell of a lot less scary than riding alone)
15. Study insects in Madagascar (the first day of my high school freshman geography class the teacher gave us the coordinates for Madagascar. I’ve wanted to go ever since)
16. Visit Kangaroo Island
17. Become the president of something major
18. Be able to give my Alma Mater something big, and have something on campus named after me
19. Rollerblade 10 miles (so, I didn’t have a bike as a kid. I taught myself to rollerblade instead. Don’t do it so much anymore, but for awhile there it was my only means of transportation)
20. Become fluent in sign language
21. Take a major biking or blading trip
22. Become very physically fit
23. Graduate from any higher education institution with a 3.0 or higher (I only got a 2.5 in undergraduate school…but I did have a 3.2 in my major courses. That counts, right? Finished my Master’s with a 3.46, currently have a 4.0)
24. Work at the Smithsonian
25. Lear how to spell “Smithsonian” (Done! 1996. Have I mentioned I’m dyslexic? Oh, man, in 5th grade we had spelling tests every week, and my teacher made anyone who failed go to detention after school on Fridays and copy the dictionary. I got through “C” by the end of the year. She was nice enough not to make me go right before Christmas break and the last week of school. After my year she stopped using that as a punishment for bad spelling. I am a liberator of 5th graders!)
26. Live to be 100 (This one will take me awhile)
27. Own a motorcycle (Done! 1999. It got stolen, but who’s counting?)
28. Fall in love (Done! Valentine’s Day, 1997. Can you guess who?)
29. Write a book (I’m writing a lab book now, so maybe this will be done by next year)
30. Visit Canada (Done! 2005. Our anniversary. We took a ferry from Washington)
31. Take a cruise (We will be doing this in August. Woo!)
32. Become the best in Entomology
33. Be rich enough to buy my parents a cabin or car (Part of this list was written when I was a starving student. I mean, really starving…like ducking the landlord, saving up for Taco Bell starving. I lived on popcorn and oatmeal for most of a year. I was super thin)
34. Own a home in Australia
35. Travel the world
36. Own a large house with my husband (I also wrote a good portion of this list right when I met Dean, so “husband” and “love” are mentioned a bunch) (Done! 7/2008:  4 bedrooms is large, right?)
37. Have a large wedding (Done! 9/3/00)
38. Tour Iceland
39. Visit Greenland (Notice I don’t want to tour Greenland)
40. Know a song on the harp by every major composer (As soon as I define what a “major” composer is, I’ll get started on this one)
41. Meet someone famous (so, who’s gonna be famous so I can check this off? I’ve met a bunch of famous forensic entomologists, but I’m not counting them for some reason.)
42. Begin an Art, science and cultural center
43. Weigh 120-135 as long as it’s healthy (it stopped being healthy a while ago–right around the infertility time)
44. Create a cross stitch tapestry (Working on it!)
45. Learn to draw (Done! Spring 2000. I’m no Ivan, but it’s good enough for government work)
46. Learn to tango (Done! Summer 2000. I hated it)
47. Get a degree in something totally unrelated (Done! June, 2007. I have a degree in Emergency Prehospital Care. If you’re dying, call me! I’ll tell you to go to the hospital)
48. Own a company (I’ve owned small things, but I’m not counting this until it becomes profitable)
49. Maintain a very large garden
50. Arrange a musical festival
51. Go on an African safari
52. Be someone’s inspiration
53. Stay in the best hotels in the world
54. Backpack across America
55. Sponsor a Shakespeare festival
56. Throw at least 1 major formal party
57. Tour England
58. Visit every major museum in the world
59. Love wine (Done! I have no idea when this happened exactly….)
60. Become adept at herbal studies
61. Study at least 3 religions other than Methodist (Done! Mormonism, Judaism and Jehovah’s Witness. I ended up with a boyfriend in each religion, which really made the study easy. Mormons wear sacred underwear. Don’t tell them you know!)
62. Watch or be in every Shakespeare play
63. Organize 5 missions (So I grew up in a Methodist church, and Methodists are really into volunteering. All through high school I went on youth missions organized by the church–I’ve been to Mexico 12 or 13 times to work on churches and houses, I went to Yuma, Arizona several times and worked on the Indian reservation there, and I helped organize a huge mission to Alaska, but I couldn’t go. This is the one thing I miss about not going to church anymore. My old church went to Mississippi last spring to rebuild houses destroyed in hurricane Katrina. I wish I could’ve gone)
64. Study scarab beetles (they’re shiny!)
65. Visit Egypt
66. Never have to worry about money (once again, I was a starving student at this point….)
67. Become adept at rock climbing
68. Visit every state in the union (I’m working on it!)
69. Visit Easter Island
70. Perform in a large theater (Done! Christmas 1997 and 1998. I was part of a Christmas show playing in LA. I played the harp–3500 seats in that theater)
71. Visit Morocco (Ah…here comes my travel list….)
72. Visit Sri Lanka
73. Visit the Philippines (Earl? When we going?)
74. Visit Norway
75. Study cancer (When I add to my list each year, I sometimes don’t go back and review everything first, so there are a few duplicates. Apparently I really want to do these things)
76. Visit France
77. Visit the Eiffel Tower (just in case I was gonna miss it while in France….)
78. Visit the Statue of Liberty again (I saw it when my class went there in Jr. High, but I was a bit boy crazy and didn’t really care about the big green woman)
79. Visit the Leaning Tower of Pisa
80. Stay in a small Russian town
81. Go to a health spa (Done! I now do this as regularly as possible)
82. Win a major contest
83. Become a photographer (I don’t think I have much of an eye, but I can try)
84. Visit Dublin
85. Become monetarily comfortable (still hungry!)
86. Own a store
87. Learn to fence (Done! 2004. Hated it!)
88. Learn a martial arts (Done! 2004, black belt in kenjo ki karate–better known as kickboxing)
89. Visit a homeless family
90. Learn massage
91. Write a major research paper (Done! June 2007. It’s going to publication this year W00t!!)
92. Work in a vineyard (Done! Spring 1997, Cal Poly SLO. 1 year. It was fun)
93. Witness a controlled burn (Done! Summer 1998. We had to do several controlled burns in the orchard that summer)
94. Save an insect species
95. Discover an insect species (I like me some insect species)
96. Biologically solve a pest problem (I haven’t decided if I want to do this on a grand scale or not…if not, then done! I’ll leave it unmarked for now, though)
97. Read Moby Dick, A Tale of Two Cities, Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Hans Christian Andersen series, The Metamorphasis, The Fountainhead, It, The Lord of the Rings, and a book by Chaucer. (Some of these are done. The hardest so far is The Lord of the Rings. How do people get through this?!?)
98. Fall asleep in a hammock overlooking a beautiful beach and sea under a full moon (Aw! Aren’t I romantic?)
99. Learn to horseback (Done! Did you know that Dean’s grandfather raises horses?)
100. Take a trip to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
101. Be interviewed by the press (Done! 2005 FFAS conference. CNN interviewed me about entomology)
102. Go to England to see the Shakespeare Festival
103. Help to solve a crime (Done! I’m a forensic entomologist!)
104. Learn to belly dance (I keep meaning to do this one. Someone help!)
105. Discover the purpose of an insect and use those facts to save it from extinction
106. Write out the entire rocky scrip, block it and use it to get a show started (This is half done–I have the script.)
107. Plan an orchard
108. Read the Bible (This may end up harder than finishing Lord of the Rings)
109. Read the Book of Mormon (And this will be harder than the Bible)
110. Read the entire works of Edgar Allen Poe
111. Build my own harp (You can get kits for not that much and build your own lap harp. Want!)
112. Visit all the National Parks
113. Live in France
114. Design and build a custom lab for my work (Kinda done! I designed the lab I’ll be working in this spring. Does that count? If so, Done!)
115. Have a maid or cleaning service (I don’t do windows! Or any other cleaning, for that matter)
116. Visit all the amusement parks in the U.S.
117. Design a set (Done! Fall 1997. I designed the sets for a performance of Hamlet)
118. Be a main part in a show
119. Picnic on top of a mountain (Wouldn’t this be fun? Hint!)
120. Ride the trolly in San Francisco (Done! Summer 1998)
121. Try Sushi (Done! And I never looked back)
122. See 100 Rocky Horror Picture Shows (I’m at 41)
123. Plan a very romantic trip somewhere and take it with someone I love (Done! We went to Costa Rica for our honeymoon)
124. Help someone in need (I don’t think I’ll ever mark this one off, no matter how many times I do it)
125. Buy my own car (We’ve been given our last several, so I haven’t really had the chance yet. Not that I’m complaining…we’ll happily take anyone’s car off their hands! It’s what we do!)
126. Visit Alaska (We’re going this summer!)
127. Be loved by someone I’m not related to (Done!)
128. Don’t die lonely
129. Retire
130. Fall asleep in someone’s arms (Done!)
131. Have my own CD
132. Pass Music Theory 1 (Done! I got a B! Stupid class)
133. Figure out how to raise Jerusalem Crickets (Done! Those bastards are a pain in the ass to raise. And they bite super hard!)
134. Finance my education (Done! That was hard, and now I’m in debt forever, but done!)
135. Create a large folder of research on raising insects
136. Have something published (Done! July 2008, my very first article. Ask me and I’ll let you read it!)
138. Turn my car into a work of art (Done! You should have seen it….)
139. Get an A in Beekeeping (Done! Easiest A ever. I like bees)
140. Manage my own beehive (Just might happen soon…I have plans)
141. Have a webpage (Done! Ah, remember the early days of the web when webpages were novel and only geeks had them?)
142. Get into grad school (Done! For years and years!)
143. Learn to sew (Done! July 2008. I learned, now I just have to get good at it)
144. Finish the Chaos book (It’s a book about Chaos theory. I really only started reading it because I was dating this super cute math major who told me it was good. It’s sitting on the shelf with a 10 year old bookmark in it. I’ll get back to it eventually. I’ll probably have to start from the beginning, though. That’s gonna suck)
145. Create at least one of my clothing designs (So I took this design class for my minor–I had to design clothes. I based all of them on insects)
146. Get an award from a scientific association
147. Get certified in some aspect of entomology
148. Present an original paper at a scientific meeting (Done! June 2008. Presented “Seasonal Distribution and Abundance of Forensically Important Flies in Santa Clara County. It was well received)
149. Get my masters (Done! June 2007)
150. Save 1 million dollars
151. Buy a house (Done! July 2008, and it’s beautiful. Come and visit! We have cookies)
152. Visit every state in the nation (See what I mean about duplicates?)
153. Start a consulting business (Plans, again. Plans.)
154. Read every book in the library (Wanna watch? Or help? Join me!)
155. Visit every country in the world
156. Learn to ride a motorcycle (Yep, this is gonna be done this year. Someone teach me, please!)
157. Climb a mountain
158. Start a journal (Done! 2006. I now have blogs instead)
159. Volunteer somewhere
160. Write a book (I must really want to write that damn book!)
161. Be on tv
163. Create an intricate treasure hunt
164. See a musical on Broadway
165. Be self employed with an actual income
166. Own a cabin
167. Plant 100 trees
168. Read 1000 books
169. See an iceberg
170. Get rid of that dead place inside of me (Done! 2007 or 2008. Ask me about it sometime, if you really want to know)
171. Ride a snowmobile
172. Take a speed reading course (Done! 2009. It was bullshit)
173. Learn to surf
174. Walk across a swingy suspension bridge
175. Arrange a harp song
176. Learn Latin
177. Visit Walden pond (Then talk about it all snooty like)
178. Create a hedge maze (How cool is my house gonna be?!?)
179. Be a groomsman (You see, I’ve been every part of a wedding–Bride, bridesmaid, acolyte, harpist, flower girl, officiant, guest on the bride’s side, guest on the groom’s side, but I’ve never been a groomsman. That would complete my takeover of all things wedding!)
180. Have a grand library (With a fireplace and leather chairs and a secret door) (I’m so close!)
181. Have a cabin on a lake
182. Take a gondola ride (Hey! Another great date idea!)
183. Hold a hawk
184. Rehabilitate a wild animal
185. Fire a sniper rifle
186. Fire an automatic weapon
187. Fly first class across the ocean
188. Go hot air ballooning
189. Stay on a houseboat
190. Go hang gliding (But not by myself–with a trained professional so I won’t die. I want to live to be 100, remember?)
191. Do that thing with the parachute hanging off a boat (Doesn’t that sound like fun!?!)
192. visit the Bermuda Triangle (And not get lost)
193. Put $500 a month in my IRA (Up to $350 a month, as of now. See…I’m well on my way to saving 1 million!)
194. Go see the Ice Hotel (I love the Discovery Channel)
195. See Grand Central Station
196. Drive across America, coast to coast
197. Climb the highest mountain in California
198. Renovate a house
199. Cross the Panama Canal
200. Finish the world’s largest crossword puzzle (Don’t really know if I want to do this one any more, but there you are)
201. Go a month without TV (Done! 2008. I was super busy, and TV is the first to go)
202. Buy some aboriginal art in Australia (I blame Chris and Yanira for this–stupid HDTV showing Australia and stuff!)
203. Be married for 60 years (at least!)
204. Make a quilt
205. Go white water rafting
206. Own a sports car (A green RX-7)
207. Buy a house in Costa Rica (Love it there!)
208. Bike 1000 miles in a year
209. Create the perfect, craveable Thanksgiving dinner (I think I’m close! I shall see)
210. Ride the orient express
211. Stay in a haunted hotel
212. Be under 30% body fat
213. Be nominated for a teaching award (Done! Fall, 2008, distinguished teaching award at Texas A&M)
214. Visit the poles (The South and North poles you dirty minded people!)
215. Go sailing
216. Go on an Alaskan cruise (Gonna do it!)
217. Attend a movie premiere
218. Spend over 2 weeks at a nice hotel just enjoying the grounds (I got this idea from reading The Shining. Maybe that’s where I got the haunted hotel idea, too)
219. Attend the Rockettes Christmas Show (I hear this is great!)
220. Celebrate Day of the Dead in Mexico (you know, after they figure out all the drug killings and kidnappings. Still wanna live to 100)
221. Adopt a toddler or baby (Decided this year we will not adopt. Gonna leave this one on the list just to remember, though)
222. Visit the Louvre (I wonder if that’s even close to how it’s spelled)
223. Kiss Dean in Paris
224. Do a food tour of the USA: Pizza in Chicago, Blue Crabs in Maryland, Cheese Steak in Philly, a(nd a bunch of other stuff I haven’t come up with yet)
225. Learn how to write my name in Japanese
226. Celebrate Christmas in New York and London
227. Air Boat the Everglades
228. Pay off my student loans ($32,000 and counting….)
229. Become known for great Thanksgivings
230. Have an art show (Maggot art, baby!)
231. Live in the mountains
232. Take a trip in a motor home
233. See the great barrier reef (But there’s no need to scuba dive…I’m morally against going anywhere I have to take my own oxygen. We need it to survive, people!)
234. Create a secret garden (I love that book! And play! And movie!)
235.Drink mint julep in the French Quarter (Done! June 2009. It was super fun. We bought art).
236.Enter a cooking contest
237. Have a pool
238. Put all my photos/mementos in scrapbooks (Working on it! It’s very well organized at the moment)
239. See all the movies on AFI’s top 100 list (30 down, 70 to go)
240. Visit Alcatraz
241. Try real absinthe (Done! 2007. It tastes like licorice, and has no hallucinogenic effects)
242. volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank
243. Look good in a 2 piece
244. Have $100,000 in my IRA
245. Paint a really big painting
246. Get certified with a handgun
247.Ride all the rollercoasters in the US (30 down, 602 to go!)
248. Work at Quantico
249. Get 5 articles published
250. Go back to London, at least once
251. Have a real office that I don’t have to move out of every semester
252. Pass my quals (really nervous about these)
253. Write my lab manual
254. Own some art by someone famous
255. Become a consultant (a final duplicate!)
256: Win a teaching award (Done! December 2009. I won the Vice Chancellor’s award for graduate student teaching. Woo!)

Just a few done this year, but gearing up for another great 365 days. What are your goals?

–Adie

A full update on my dad

I thought I’d write up a full update on what’s been going on with dad this week (for those of you who don’t know, Robert Cadman is my dad, Jonell Cadman is my mom. I’ve been asked that this week, you see. Just to keep things clear).

Anyhow, dad came down with a virus last week–the normal “hey it’s fall!” virus you get, with the dry cough and the general malaise that goes with it. He, as all in our family tend to do, kept on working though the sickness, and mom doped him up with lots of herbs. Strangely the herbs didn’t work as quickly as normal, and they had to turn to Tussin to stop the cough so dad could sleep. At some point dad had a bad pain in his back (around his kidney area) and mom took him to the emergency clinic. They diagnosed a pulled muscle from stifling the cough and sent him home.

Over the weekend, dad got worse, and was having a hard time breathing. He also had some pain in his chest and whatnot, so he had to sleep in his recliner on Saturday night. On Sunday things got even worse, and dad ended up collapsing and passing out at home. Mom called an ambulance, and the paramedics could not get his blood pressure up. It was around 80/40 (I’m pretty sure that’s what mom told me, anyhow–it was an upsetting phone call for all involved).

I talked to mom as she was watching dad be taken from the ambulance into the emergency room. She was her usual controlled self in these situations, and asked me to make sure everyone knew what was happening. The emergency room worked to get dad’s blood pressure back up, and then they admitted him to the ICU (or Critical Care Unit, as it’s called at St. Jude’s).

Once in the CCU, the staff had to do an emergency procedure at 4 am to bust open clots that had lodged in his heart and lungs.They wanted to treat things medically rather than surgically. Apparently he had been throwing clots from behind his knee and they finally came to rest two places you really don’t want clots to be. He was on blood thinners and super high oxygen because his breathing was erratic. At this point he was too weak to talk or move on his own. That was a very, very scary night. I think we came very close to losing him.

The next day he was a bit better, and was able to eat some breakfast. That made the nurse very happy. The doctors informed mom that dad had been close to organ failure–his kidneys were shutting down, his pancreas wasn’t working, and his system in general was going all to hell. They had dialysis on stand by, but were hoping to treat things medically. Sometime on Monday his kidneys began to function again, and the doctors were pleased. They were supporting his system with a turbo drip of things, including insulin, and dad was sleeping a lot. By Monday evening they had removed the oxygen mask and had him on a nasal cannula. That was some good news. Mom was sent home by a very concerned nurse to get some much needed rest.

On Tuesday morning I got a text from mom saying they were moving dad out of the CCU. YAAAAY! His system was coming back, there was no evidence of clots in his heart, and he was able to sit up with some assistance. He also ate a big dinner, which made the nurses very happy. They had him on 5% oxygen, and tests were looking normal. Mom and dad spent the day dozing as the hospital waited for another room to open up. Mom has gotten very good at sleeping in the rocking chair by the hospital bed.

Mom called me on Tuesday evening (my time) for an update, and she sounded exhausted. She said that she slept a lot, but it wasn’t a restorative sleep. Then I got to talk to my daddy! He sounded just like dad for the first 30 seconds, which made me cry (again. There’s been lots of crying these past few days), and he even joked about his hospital vacation. Food just shows up! He doesn’t even have to move on his own! Everyone should do this! After a minute or so he went down hill, and he got so winded he couldn’t speak anymore. He told me to study hard and had to get off the phone. It was wonderful to hear him talk, but worrisome that he couldn’t breath well afterward.

Mom said that was much better than he’s been able to do, so he’s recovering. They moved him to a new room late last night, and he is resting well. Mom told me that he loves the outpouring of support and good wishes, but he can’t speak to anyone yet, so cards are much appreciated.

I want to thank everyone for keeping us in their thoughts. It’s been a very rough few days, and it’s not quite over yet. I tried to keep everyone informed about his status, so if you know someone who wants to know what is going on, just point them to this note. The doctors are talking to mom about what needs to be done when dad goes home, and those are the best words in the world. I’ve already sent a thank you note to the doctors and nurses who saved his life on Sunday, and I’ll be donating to their foundation probably forever.

Please keep thinking of mom and dad–they are really going to need you over the next few weeks. If you’d like to send a card or wishes to dad in the hospital, he’s at St. Jude Medical Center in Fullerton:

St. Jude Medical Center
101 E. Valencia Mesa Dr.
Fullerton, CA 92835
(714) 871-3280

If you want to contact mom or send wishes to the house instead, you can send them to:

Bob and Jonell Cadman
763 Stephens Ave
Fullerton, CA 92833

I also want to make sure mom is taken care of. She’s spent days at the hospital, and is being plagued by the allergy inducing winds to boot. Will someone please make sure she’s eating? And has food in the house? She gets weekly deliveries at home from Schwann’s (http://www.schwans.com/), so I might send her some pre-made meals from there. If you need her cell phone, send me a message and I’ll get it to you. She doesn’t have her phone on in the hospital, though, and she’s so tired when she gets home at night that she’s unable to make many phone calls.

Well, that’s what’s happening now. I’ll update this as I get more information. Once again, thank you all for all of your thoughts and prayers. Someone hug my dad for me, since I can’t be there to do it myself.

Update: My sister Erin just saw mom and the doctors are now saying dad may be home this weekend. Hazaah! Best news yet. Mom should be home napping soon. Maybe she’ll get some well-deserved rest.

 

–Adie

Once Upon a Time, There Was a Girl….

So once again, despite the sleeping pills and the amitriptyline and an active day, my phantom uterus has decided I don’t need to sleep. Sounds like a good time for story telling, huh?

My endometriosis returned in June, 2008…a scant 6 months after extensive laparoscopic surgery to correct the problem. New town, new state, new doctor, more treatments. We started with birth control pills–many women find relief when on these, and my early 20’s were cramp free due to the miracle of ortho tri-cyclen. After three months of trials, the pills just weren’t cutting it, so I went on an implant birth control. The doctor said that it would take a few months for the implant to start working, and prescribed me morphine for the days when my endo flared up so badly I couldn’t walk.
Things were going ok…I would go to the doctor regularly to get a new shot, I was only out of commission a few days a month, and I was hoping things would improve substantially as soon as my body got used to the new treatment. That didn’t work out so well.

In January of 2009, the endometriosis moved from my uterus to my ovaries. Ovaries are sensitive beasts, as anyone with an ovarian cyst can attest. The endo began to cause a squeezing sensation, almost a pulse, that would knock the wind out of me and make me nauseous. Gentlemen…you know when you get kicked in the nuts, and you bend over all winded and sweating and gagging, then curl up on the ground until the pain goes away? Well, ovaries are derived from the same tissue, with the same nerve endings, and the same capacity for pain. Imagine someone squeezing your balls harder and harder all day, every day. Then imagine going to work.

The doctor prescribed more morphine and vicodin for the bad days. I took it. Things held stable until March, when my ovaries attached to my ureters (for those who haven’t taken an anatomy class lately, that’s the tubes between the kidneys and the bladder). They just bent inward and attached. Awesome. The doctor upped my dose of pain killers.

Then my small and large intestines got in on the act, and attached to the ovary/ureter love fest that was going on in my abdomen. This meant that every time I had something to eat, my intestines would contract, tearing at the ovarian mess. I can’t even describe…I would sit at my desk and cry. I’d hit the wall. I’ll throw up in the trash can. I’d shake and sweat as blood drained from my face until it was over. Then I’d get up and go to work.

I tried special diets; I tried vitamins; I tried herbs; I tried massage; I tried music therapy; I tried it all. The doctor gave me more pain meds. By April, I was up to 6 prescriptions, and could barely get out of bed in the morning. Walking was a chore. I couldn’t even contemplate going horseback riding when we went to Virginia, and had to skip out on sight seeing because moving my legs hurt too much. Dean had to get me a wheel chair in the airport on the way home.

We went to the doctor as soon as we got back, and were told the next treatment would take a few days to get approved by our insurance. I was going to go on lupron, which would shut down my ovaries and shrink the endo. We wait 5 days. Dean calls. The treatment hasn’t been approved yet. Things get worse. Dean calls 24 hours later. The nurse is very sympathetic but nothing has changed. She prescribes yet another pain pill. I’m taking so many pills at this point that I can barely walk on my own. I’m not allowed to drive or operate heavy machinery. I can’t remember the last time I was allowed to handle a sharp object. We go back in to the doctor the next day, and this time I go in without any pain meds in my system. I almost didn’t make the walk from the car to the office. The doctor found me curled up and crying on the exam table, and the nurse had to walk me through deep breathing exercises so the doctor could examine me. They made me lie there until the worst of the pain subsided a bit, and by that time I was begging for another surgery.

They took out my uterus a week later. You know what sucks? Filling out advanced directives. Every time I have an operation they make me fill these out. Along with my wishes-should-I-become-a-vegetable, I also write a list of things for Dean…things I usually do for us so he won’t be too lost if I go. This time I also wrote him a letter. I was really scared for this operation…much worse than the last few. I just couldn’t go under thinking that I would never get to say things to him, so I wrote him a letter that he’d find with my advanced directives. That part made me cry.

The surgery went fine. Things were all gummed up, but they made it out ok. My recovery room was in the maternity ward–good thing I was on morphine. I watched new mothers carry new babies up and down the hall all night. That’ll stick with me, I think.

Now I’m getting better, slowly but surely. I get tired a lot, and this whole surgical menopause thing came close to killing me (or making me kill other people), but that’s just physical. The mental part is what’s bad now, and that’s really the point of writing this, you know?

Because you see, I’m now the girl-who-couldn’t-get-pregnant. I’m that one friend that tried for years and then had to have her uterus taken out. I’m that friend of a friend who gets stories told about her to sympathetic ladies and they all shake their fertile heads and say “Aw! Poor thing!”

Lately I’ve been getting emails. Some woman will have trouble getting pregnant, and she’ll drop me a note. “How do you do it? How do you deal with this? Isn’t it hard? What do I do? I need help!” So I write back. I pour my heart out into every email. I tell her what will happen. I tell her how I deal. I tell her what I cry about. Three months later she sends me a happy note saying she’s pregnant. Then I get an email from her friend, who just can’t seem to conceive. So I do it again, because that’s who I am. I’m the girl-who-couldn’t-get-pregnant.

Now don’t get me wrong–I love helping people, and I especially love sharing my experiences with people who need some support from someone who’s been there (and goodness knows, I’ve been there). Honestly, what is the good of going through something like this if I can’t share it with someone I love? When my family comes to me especially, those who share the same genes and have a very real possibility of sharing these problems, I’ll relive the whole thing, top to bottom, beginning to end, just to maybe help them out a little. At the very least I’ll know what they are going through! The problem I have is when some acquaintance reads these blogs and contacts me 10 days after she started trying.

The other day I was talking to some friends, and mentioned that my favorite sound ever is the sound of cicadas. She replied with “you like it even better than baby giggles?” That gave me pause. I naturally quickly replied “yep” and changed the subject, but it affected me. What am I missing out on? How am I going to relate to women my own age? Or really women in general? I won’t have those same experiences; I won’t place importance on physical and mental achievements of my offspring.
With this in the forefront of my mind, I went and checked my Facebook friend feed, and found that overwhelmingly the ladies of my age group were all posting about their children. This is what I found:

“Enjoyed margaritas and a movie…yes, the baby was asleep”
“I wonder how a ten year old can literally RIP his sandals to shreds through normal daily wear”
“My boy is determined to master his tricycle! On, off, on, off… now if he could just get the hang of this pedaling thing!”
“Thinking about my friend who is having her baby twins today….”
“ I think it’s a story time day.”
“My baby is being so brave on her 1st day of gymnastics! So proud!”
“Did not win mom of the year today, but I did manage to fix the garbage disposal…”
“I have a new baby girl. 8lbs 5oz, 20″, 3:34am on 6/15”
“Being tested by my son at the park.”
“ 1 more week of getting kids to school. :)”
“Nothing like dreaming about my daughter not feeling good to wake up 20 minutes later to find she threw up all over her bed :-(“
“ So excited to take my son camping in a few days and DONE with school!! YAAAYYY!!”
“My girl is graduating from preschool tomorrow!!!”

That’s all from one day. Tie that to the endless (and I mean endless) photos of kids and parents and milestones, and my Facebook page is just one big mommy party. It’s a little confusing, I guess. I mean, how am I going to relate with these women ever again? I know they have lives outside their kids, and I know many of them work, but kids are really the center of any conversation when talking to any procreating woman, ever. The common ground is getting smaller and smaller.

I got my first publication last year–huge deal. I’ve been working towards it for years and years and years, and it was amazing. The problem was, few of my friends and family were as excited as I. You know what was exciting? Baby showers. Our new house. Which room in the new house we’re going to set aside for the nursery. It’s like I’m moving further and further away from a life I wanted while watching other people live it.

Yes, yes. I know. “Being a mom isn’t all joy and laughter” “you can still be a mother if you want” “We have problems too, and envy your freedom.” I’ve heard all the consoling phrases before. I know a mom isn’t all fun–but would you give it up? For anything? I know I can adopt, but we decided not to. I’m sure you envy my freedom–but would you really give it up? For anything? It’s a melancholy, lonely feeling not being able to participate in a major life phase. And I didn’t have a choice about it. I didn’t get to say “I don’t want kids” and then surround myself with people who were of the same mind. Nope. I tried. We tried. Now we’re the ones who couldn’t get pregnant, surrounded by the ones who could. I will forever be watching families grow from the outside, smiling at the stories, cooing over the pictures, and listening to the mothers complain. But I won’t really be a part of it, you see. I don’t fit in any more with the mommies, and I don’t fit in with the career driven women. What do I do now?

But I can’t really tell anyone this, now can I. Everyone has advice, or words of encouragement, or some tale that’s supposed to make me feel better. I know it’s all because they love me and want to help, but I’m ambivalent about this whole situation. When someone tries to make me feel better about the situation, all it does is pick at a wound in ways you could never understand.
Of course, if I say that out loud, then people stop talking about anything child related all together. I hate walking into a room of women as it suddenly goes silent. The walking-on-egg-shells-around-Adie game isn’t any better than the picking-at-the-wound game. I hate that light, feigned casual tone family members use when telling me someone is pregnant. I hate the side long glances when someone mentions a baby shower. I hate the pitiful smiles and slow head shakes when all-things-family are brought up. And the worst part is I don’t know what will fix it. I can’t tell anyone what to do or what not to do, because it will all be wrong. I’m an unintentional outcast among those I love and cherish the most, and no one can do anything about it.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say with all this. I’m told I need to tell people straight out what I need because they can’t read my mind, and if I don’t do that then I have no right to be upset. But I don’t know what I need in this case. I don’t know what I want or wish or dream about or anything. I know I’m beginning to resent advice from people who aren’t in my exact situation. No, you can’t know what this is like if you have kids. No, you can’t know what this is like if you chose not to have kids. No, you don’t know what this is like. I barely know what this is like. Have you ever had your entire future erased? All the plans you made, all the things you hoped for, changed? Have you ever watched everyone else get to do the one thing you want?

Kids are a huge part of your life, good or bad, right or wrong, accident or on purpose. So much of this life is spent talking about the wonder and joy of kids. How many times have you heard someone say the greatest thing you could do is mother a child? How many motivational posters are out there encouraging you to mentor a child, teach a child, love a child because children are the greatest gift? Has a mother ever once been faulted for putting her child first? Ever? So this is how I grew up. This is what I based my life upon. This is who my female mentors were, because this is such a big, big part of being female. The biological imperative. Now that all of that is gone, it’s like I’ve been set adrift with no anchor, no map. Who am I supposed to look up to now? Who do I relate to? To whom can I turn?
I guess I make my own way. I’ll do what I can to keep everyone from feeling uncomfortable around me. Thank goodness I have Dean. He’s been the one constant that I can cling to through this whole thing–the one person who knows exactly what to say and what not to say. The one man in the world who I think can survive this with me. He and I will make our own way. He and I will figure out what the hell we’re supposed to do now. He and I. So I’m not all alone, after all. What a good word for him? Life vest? Anchor in a storm? No…something more. Something much, much more.

So no, baby giggles are not my favorite sound. I wanted them to be, but I couldn’t have that. If anyone asks, cicadas and thunderstorms make me smile, Dean is my everything, and I’m no longer the one-who-couldn’t-get pregnant. When I figure out what I am…when WE figure out what we are, we’ll let you all know.

If You Lay Down and Cry You Get Tears In Your Ears

So it’s 11:54 pm on Sunday, May 10, 2009. It’s the last 6 minutes of mother’s day. It really was a great day, you know? I emailed students, I did a small organizational project I’ve wanted to do, and I spent all day with Dean. It was generally nice.

I called my mom, of course, and Dean called his, and we talked about presents and celebrations and all the goodness of the day. Every site I went to had a “happy mother’s day!” banner, adorned by flowers and cute insects; facebook had more baby pictures than ads; even gossip sites had features on famous mothers and children. I enjoyed reading it, I swear. That is, until I read that one blog about famous mothers’ favorite lines in childrens’ books.

Books are my escape. There are so many worlds to explore, characters to love and hate and fear and cherish. It what I do when I’m happiest; it’s what I do when I’m down. It’s where I go.

Reading a list of beloved lines from beloved books…my books, my havens, my happy places…and having them tied to happy moments with children broke me tonight.

The thing is, I will never, ever have a mother’s day. I will never have toddlers bringing me weeds in a boquet which I’ll proudly display on the table. I’ll never have surly teenagers reluctantly bring me breakfast in bed. I’ll never have a 20-something call me late in the evening pretending he hadn’t forgoten the date. I’ve seen it happen–I’ve even been on the kid side of that equation. I heard a thousand stories today, each sweeter than the last. My “I played video games and cleaned out the freezer!” story just doesn’t hold a candle.

There is no I-had-my-uterus-and-overies-taken-at-32-so-I-will-never-have-children-of-my-own day. If someone makes one, I hope it’s in August. I don’t have anything else to celebrate in August.

–Adrienne

Happy New Year! Time to look back on what we’ve accomplished.

Happy new year! It’s that time again–I’ve been asked by anyone and everyone what my resolutions for the year are, what I’m going to change, what are my plans. The thing is, I gave up making resolutions forever ago. I guess I figured that if I wanted to change something so badly, I may as well start the moment I thought of it, rather than wait for an arbitrary day (and invariably make it worse dreading the day I was to start). So instead of making resolutions, I take the new year as a time to reflect on my life goals, and see what I’ve accomplished. (Oh, and print out awesome pictures of my friends and family from the year to decorate my office :).

Back in 1996 I started a life goals list–a list that I update whenever I come up with a new goal, and a list that I go over every year to see what I’ve done. I never remove a goal, even if plans change. I like knowing what I once wanted; it keeps me in touch with my past. So, without further adeu, here is my newly updated goal list!

Adrienne’s Life Goals (List started December, 1996 and updated each year since then) I’ve bolded the ones that I accomplished since I last updated the list in 2006.

1. Rollerblade in every major city in the world (Don’t know if I want to do this one any more or not. I’m really not all that into rollerblading. Biking might be a more feasible option).
2. Win a Nobel Prize
3. Study insects in the Australian Canopy (I used to get a magazine as a kid that advertised scientist-led trips in the back. One was a trip to the Australian Rainforest where you’d get to help survey the insects. They said you’d probably find several new species. I have to get there).
4. Become fluent in Spanish (took it in high school, remember little)
5. Be written about in some major tabloid
6. Make a major discovery in cancer research
7. Breed some sort of animal (I finished this one in 1998–I bred crane flies, beetles, crickets, and whatever else my boss brought in for a year)
8. Get married and raise a family (Part one–done 9/3/00! Part two–um, read my other blogs. I’m thinking of redefining “family” in my head.)
9. Get a PhD in Entomology (Getting close now!)
10. Make a major entomological discovery (I’m really not sure what counts as “major.” I guess I’ll figure that out as I go along)
11. Become a college professor
12. Ear $20,000 a year with my harp (selling it doesn’t count)
13. Read the entire works of Shakespeare (did I mention I’m really into Shakespeare?)
14. Learn to ride a bike well (I’ve decided the tandem doesn’t count, but is a hell of a lot less scary than riding alone)
15. Study insects in Madagascar (the first day of my high school freshman geography class the teacher gave us the coordinates for Madagascar. I’ve wanted to go ever since)
16. Visit Kangaroo Island
17. Become the president of something major
18. Be able to give my Alma Mater something big, and have something on campus named after me
19. Rollerblade 10 miles (so, I didn’t have a bike as a kid. I taught myself to rollerblade instead. Don’t do it so much anymore, but for awhile there it was my only means of transportation)
20. Become fluent in sign language
21. Take a major biking or blading trip
22. Become very physically fit
23. Graduate from any higher education institution with a 3.0 or higher (I only got a 2.5 in undergraduate school…but I did have a 3.2 in my major courses. That counts, right? Finished my Master’s with a 3.46, currently have a 4.0)
24. Work at the Smithsonian
25. Lear how to spell “Smithsonian” (Done! 1996. Have I mentioned I’m dyslexic? Oh, man, in 5th grade we had spelling tests every week, and my teacher made anyone who failed go to detention after school on Fridays and copy the dictionary. I got through “C” by the end of the year. She was nice enough not to make me go right before Christmas break and the last week of school. After my year she stopped using that as a punishment for bad spelling. I am a liberator of 5th graders!)
26. Live to be 100 (This one will take me awhile)
27. Own a motorcycle (Done! 1999. It got stolen, but who’s counting?)
28. Fall in love (Done! Valentine’s Day, 1997. Can you guess who?)
29. Write a book (I’m writing a lab book now, so maybe this will be done by next year)
30. Visit Canada (Done! 2005. Our anniversary. We took a ferry from Washington)
31. Take a cruise
32. Become the best in Entomology
33. Be rich enough to buy my parents a cabin or car (Part of this list was written when I was a starving student. I mean, really starving…like ducking the landlord, saving up for Taco Bell starving. I lived on popcorn and oatmeal for most of a year. I was super thin)
34. Own a home in Australia
35. Travel the world
36. Own a large house with my husband (I also wrote a good portion of this list right when I met Dean, so “husband” and “love” are mentioned a bunch) (Done! 7/2008:  4 bedrooms is large, right?)
37. Have a large wedding (Done! 9/3/00)
38. Tour Iceland
39. Visit Greenland (Notice I don’t want to tour Greenland)
40. Know a song on the harp by every major composer (As soon as I define what a “major” composer is, I’ll get started on this one)
41. Meet someone famous (so, who’s gonna be famous so I can check this off? I’ve met a bunch of famous forensic entomologists, but I’m not counting them for some reason.)
42. Begin an Art, science and cultural center
43. Weigh 120-135 as long as it’s healthy (it stopped being healthy a while ago–right around the infertility time)
44. Create a cross stitch tapestry (Working on it!)
45. Learn to draw (Done! Spring 2000. I’m no Ivan, but it’s good enough for government work)
46. Learn to tango (Done! Summer 2000. I hated it)
47. Get a degree in something totally unrelated (Done! June, 2007. I have a degree in Emergency Prehospital Care. If you’re dying, call me! I’ll tell you to go to the hospital)
48. Own a company (I’ve owned small things, but I’m not counting this until it becomes profitable)
49. Maintain a very large garden
50. Arrange a musical festival
51. Go on an African safari
52. Be someone’s inspiration
53. Stay in the best hotels in the world
54. Backpack across America
55. Sponsor a Shakespeare festival
56. Throw at least 1 major formal party
57. Tour England
58. Visit every major museum in the world
59. Love wine (Done! I have no idea when this happened exactly….)
60. Become adept at herbal studies
61. Study at least 3 religions other than Methodist (Done! Mormonism, Judaism and Jehovah’s Witness. I ended up with a boyfriend in each religion, which really made the study easy. Mormons wear sacred underwear. Don’t tell them you know!)
62. Watch or be in every Shakespeare play
63. Organize 5 missions (So I grew up in a Methodist church, and Methodists are really into volunteering. All through high school I went on youth missions organized by the church–I’ve been to Mexico 12 or 13 times to work on churches and houses, I went to Yuma, Arizona several times and worked on the Indian reservation there, and I helped organize a huge mission to Alaska, but I couldn’t go. This is the one thing I miss about not going to church anymore. My old church went to Mississippi last spring to rebuild houses destroyed in hurricane Katrina. I wish I could’ve gone)
64. Study scarab beetles (they’re shiny!)
65. Visit Egypt
66. Never have to worry about money (once again, I was a starving student at this point….)
67. Become adept at rock climbing
68. Visit every state in the union (I’m working on it!)
69. Visit Easter Island
70. Perform in a large theater (Done! Christmas 1997 and 1998. I was part of a Christmas show playing in LA. I played the harp–3500 seats in that theater)
71. Visit Morocco (Ah…here comes my travel list….)
72. Visit Sri Lanka
73. Visit the Philippines (Earl? When we going?)
74. Visit Norway
75. Study cancer (When I add to my list each year, I sometimes don’t go back and review everything first, so there are a few duplicates. Apparently I really want to do these things)
76. Visit France
77. Visit the Eiffel Tower (just in case I was gonna miss it while in France….)
78. Visit the Statue of Liberty again (I saw it when my class went there in Jr. High, but I was a bit boy crazy and didn’t really care about the big green woman)
79. Visit the Leaning Tower of Pisa
80. Stay in a small Russian town
81. Go to a health spa (Done! I now do this as regularly as possible)
82. Win a major contest
83. Become a photographer (I don’t think I have much of an eye, but I can try)
84. Visit Dublin
85. Become monetarily comfortable (still hungry!)
86. Own a store
87. Learn to fence (Done! 2004. Hated it!)
88. Learn a martial arts (Done! 2004, black belt in kenjo ki karate–better known as kickboxing)
89. Visit a homeless family
90. Learn massage
91. Write a major research paper (Done! June 2007. It’s going to publication this year W00t!!)
92. Work in a vineyard (Done! Spring 1997, Cal Poly SLO. 1 year. It was fun)
93. Witness a controlled burn (Done! Summer 1998. We had to do several controlled burns in the orchard that summer)
94. Save an insect species
95. Discover an insect species (I like me some insect species)
96. Biologically solve a pest problem (I haven’t decided if I want to do this on a grand scale or not…if not, then done! I’ll leave it unmarked for now, though)
97. Read Moby Dick, A Tale of Two Cities, Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Hans Christian Andersen series, The Metamorphasis, The Fountainhead, It, The Lord of the Rings, and a book by Chaucer. (Some of these are done. The hardest so far is The Lord of the Rings. How do people get through this?!?)
98. Fall asleep in a hammock overlooking a beautiful beach and sea under a full moon (Aw! Aren’t I romantic?)
99. Learn to horseback (Done! Did you know that Dean’s grandfather raises horses?)
100. Take a trip to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
101. Be interviewed by the press (Done! 2005 FFAS conference. CNN interviewed me about entomology)
102. Go to England to see the Shakespeare Festival
103. Help to solve a crime (Done! I’m a forensic entomologist!)
104. Learn to belly dance (I keep meaning to do this one. Someone help!)
105. Discover the purpose of an insect and use those facts to save it from extinction
106. Write out the entire rocky scrip, block it and use it to get a show started (This is half done–I have the script.)
107. Plan an orchard
108. Read the Bible (This may end up harder than finishing Lord of the Rings)
109. Read the Book of Mormon (And this will be harder than the Bible)
110. Read the entire works of Edgar Allen Poe
111. Build my own harp (You can get kits for not that much and build your own lap harp. Want!)
112. Visit all the National Parks
113. Live in France
114. Design and build a custom lab for my work (Kinda done! I designed the lab I’ll be working in this spring. Does that count? If so, Done!)
115. Have a maid or cleaning service (I don’t do windows! Or any other cleaning, for that matter)
116. Visit all the amusement parks in the U.S.
117. Design a set (Done! Fall 1997. I designed the sets for a performance of Hamlet)
118. Be a main part in a show
119. Picnic on top of a mountain (Wouldn’t this be fun? Hint!)
120. Ride the trolly in San Francisco (Done! Summer 1998)
121. Try Sushi (Done! And I never looked back)
122. See 100 Rocky Horror Picture Shows (I’m at 41)
123. Plan a very romantic trip somewhere and take it with someone I love (Done! We went to Costa Rica for our honeymoon)
124. Help someone in need (I don’t think I’ll ever mark this one off, no matter how many times I do it)
125. Buy my own car (We’ve been given our last several, so I haven’t really had the chance yet. Not that I’m complaining…we’ll happily take anyone’s car off their hands! It’s what we do!)
126. Visit Alaska
127. Be loved by someone I’m not related to (Done!)
128. Don’t die lonely
129. Retire
130. Fall asleep in someone’s arms (Done!)
131. Have my own CD
132. Pass Music Theory 1 (Done! I got a B! Stupid class)
133. Figure out how to raise Jerusalem Crickets (Done! Those bastards are a pain in the ass to raise. And they bite super hard!)
134. Finance my education (Done! That was hard, and now I’m in debt forever, but done!)
135. Create a large folder of research on raising insects
136. Have something published (Done! July 2008, my very first article. Ask me and I’ll let you read it!)
138. Turn my car into a work of art (Done! You should have seen it….)
139. Get an A in Beekeeping (Done! Easiest A ever. I like bees)
140. Manage my own beehive (Just might happen soon…I have plans)
141. Have a webpage (Done! Ah, remember the early days of the web when webpages were novel and only geeks had them?)
142. Get into grad school (Done! For years and years!)
143. Learn to sew (Done! July 2008. I learned, now I just have to get good at it)
144. Finish the Chaos book (It’s a book about Chaos theory. I really only started reading it because I was dating this super cute math major who told me it was good. It’s sitting on the shelf with a 10 year old bookmark in it. I’ll get back to it eventually. I’ll probably have to start from the beginning, though. That’s gonna suck)
145. Create at least one of my clothing designs (So I took this design class for my minor–I had to design clothes. I based all of them on insects)
146. Get an award from a scientific association
147. Get certified in some aspect of entomology
148. Present an original paper at a scientific meeting (Done! June 2008. Presented “Seasonal Distribution and Abundance of Forensically Important Flies in Santa Clara County. It was well received)
149. Get my masters (Done! June 2007)
150. Save 1 million dollars
151. Buy a house (Done! July 2008, and it’s beautiful. Come and visit! We have cookies)
152. Visit every state in the nation (See what I mean about duplicates?)
153. Start a consulting business (Plans, again. Plans.)
154. Read every book in the library (Wanna watch? Or help? Join me!)
155. Visit every country in the world
156. Learn to ride a motorcycle (Yep, this is gonna be done this year. Someone teach me, please!)
157. Climb a mountain
158. Start a journal (Done! 2006. I now have blogs instead)
159. Volunteer somewhere
160. Write a book (I must really want to write that damn book!)
161. Be on tv
163. Create an intricate treasure hunt
164. See a musical on Broadway
165. Be self employed with an actual income
166. Own a cabin
167. Plant 100 trees
168. Read 1000 books
169. See an iceberg
170. Get rid of that dead place inside of me (Done! 2007 or 2008. Ask me about it sometime, if you really want to know)
171. Ride a snowmobile
172. Take a speed reading course (I gotta get through a lot of books, you see….)
173. Learn to surf
174. Walk across a swingy suspension bridge
175. Arrange a harp song
176. Learn Latin
177. Visit Walden pond (Then talk about it all snooty like)
178. Create a hedge maze (How cool is my house gonna be?!?)
179. Be a groomsman (You see, I’ve been every part of a wedding–Bride, bridesmaid, acolyte, harpist, flower girl, officiant, guest on the bride’s side, guest on the groom’s side, but I’ve never been a groomsman. That would complete my takeover of all things wedding!)
180. Have a grand library (With a fireplace and leather chairs and a secret door) (I’m so close!)
181. Have a cabin on a lake
182. Take a gondola ride (Hey! Another great date idea!)
183. Hold a hawk
184. Rehabilitate a wild animal
185. Fire a sniper rifle
186. Fire an automatic weapon
187. Fly first class across the ocean
188. Go hot air ballooning
189. Stay on a houseboat
190. Go hang gliding (But not by myself–with a trained professional so I won’t die. I want to live to be 100, remember?)
191. Do that thing with the parachute hanging off a boat (Doesn’t that sound like fun!?!)
192. visit the Bermuda Triangle (And not get lost)
193. Put $500 a month in my IRA (Up to $350 a month, as of now. See…I’m well on my way to saving 1 million!)
194. Go see the Ice Hotel (I love the Discovery Channel)
195. See Grand Central Station
196. Drive across America, coast to coast
197. Climb the highest mountain in California
198. Renovate a house
199. Cross the Panama Canal
200. Finish the world’s largest crossword puzzle (Don’t really know if I want to do this one any more, but there you are)
201. Go a month without TV (Done! 2008. I was super busy, and TV is the first to go)
202. Buy some aboriginal art in Australia (I blame Chris and Yanira for this–stupid HDTV showing Australia and stuff!)
203. Be married for 60 years (at least!)
204. Make a quilt
205. Go white water rafting
206. Own a sports car (A green RX-7)
207. Buy a house in Costa Rica (Love it there!)
208. Bike 1000 miles in a year
209. Create the perfect, craveable Thanksgiving dinner (I think I’m close! I shall see)
210. Ride the orient express
211. Stay in a haunted hotel
212. Be under 30% body fat
213. Be nominated for a teaching award (Done! Fall, 2008, distinguished teaching award at Texas A&M)
214. Visit the poles (The South and North poles you dirty minded people!)
215. Go sailing
216. Go on an Alaskan cruise
217. Attend a movie premiere
218. Spend over 2 weeks at a nice hotel just enjoying the grounds (I got this idea from reading The Shining. Maybe that’s where I got the haunted hotel idea, too)
219. Attend the Rockettes Christmas Show (I hear this is great!)
220. Celebrate Day of the Dead in Mexico (you know, after they figure out all the drug killings and kidnappings. Still wanna live to 100)
221. Adopt a toddler or baby (Decided this year we will not adopt. Gonna leave this one on the list just to remember, though)
222. Visit the Louvre (I wonder if that’s even close to how it’s spelled)
223. Kiss Dean in Paris
224. Do a food tour of the USA: Pizza in Chicago, Blue Crabs in Maryland, Cheese Steak in Philly, and a bunch of other stuff I haven’t come up with yet)
225. Learn how to write my name in Japanese
226. Celebrate Christmas in New York and London
227. Air Boat the Everglades
228. Pay off my student loans ($32,000 and counting….)
229. Become known for great Thanksgivings
230. Have an art show (Maggot art, baby!)
231. Live in the mountains
232. Take a trip in a motor home
233. See the great barrier reef (But there’s no need to scuba dive…I’m morally against going anywhere I have to take my own oxygen. We need it to survive, people!)
234. Create a secret garden (I love that book! And play! And movie!)
235.Drink mint julep in the French Quarter
236.Enter a cooking contest
237. Have a pool
238. Put all my photos/mementos in scrapbooks (Working on it! It’s very well organized at the moment)
239. See all the movies on AFI’s top 100 list (30 down, 70 to go)
240. Visit Alcatraz
241. Try real absinthe (Done! 2007. It tastes like licorice, and has no hallucinogenic effects)
242. volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank
243. Look good in a 2 piece
244. Have $100,000 in my IRA
245. Paint a really big painting
246. Get certified with a handgun
247.Ride all the rollercoasters in the US (30 down, 602 to go!)
248. Work at Quantico
249. Get 5 articles published
250. Go back to London, at least once
251. Have a real office that I don’t have to move out of every semester
252. Pass my quals (really nervous about these)
253. Write my lab manual
254. Own some art by someone famous
255. Become a consultant (a final duplicate!)

Well, that’s it for now. Several done these past two years, which rules, and several new goals added. What are your goals? Happy new year!

Email Forward Question Answers

I have several friends who have not yet grown out of the email forward stage, and I’m conintually getting these questionarre type things (much like the ones that were so popular for a while on MySpace), and since I have a moral obligation to stop retarded email forwards at all costs, I’ve decided to post my answers here and simply send them the link. I will do my part to better this world! As I get more questions, I’ll put more answers.

Forward #1:

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends . Okay, here’s what you’re supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!!

Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you……Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper, although my aunt just taught me to sew cloth bags. One of these days I’ll make a bunch of those.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real, totally.

3. When do you put up the tree? The day after Thanksgiving is Christmas Tree day!

4. When do you take the tree down? New Year’s day. Last year’s tree shouldn’t be up during this year–that’s just rude to this year’s tree!

5. Do you like eggnog? Meh. People keep telling me that’s just because I haven’t had good eggnog. I suppose then they should be giving me the good stuff, now shouldn’t they?
6. Favorite gift received as a child? That’s really hard to say. I got a pet tarantula one year, which ruled; I also got a brown pound puppy at one point, a huge bunch of glow in the dark stars (ruled!), a home planetarium thingy, a chemistry set, and a microscope (and the microscope had a projector on it so I could show my parents things for HOURS!). Recently, I got the very first Newberry Award Winning book. Woooo!
7. Hardest person to buy for? Hmmm…it changes every year. It matters if I happen across the perfect gift or not.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Once again, it matters if I happen across the perfect gift or not.

9. Do you have a nativity scene ? Nah. My mom collects them, so she has more than enough for everyone else in the family.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards ? Mail. I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting mail (it’s like a mini surprise Christmas every day! Except Sundays. Sundays kinda suck like that), so I insist on sending out physical cards so I can give that happy to other people, too.

11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Um, can’t really think of one. I love presents, so anything in a festive box rules.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? It’s a tie between White Christmas and A Christmas Story.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas ? January. Sometimes before. I have a closet of gifts that I collect throughout the year. I usually am done by October.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present ? Yep. Just because it wasn’t perfect for me (or I already had one) doesn’t mean it won’t be perfect for someone else. I highly encourage present recycling.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Finnan haddie!!! Best food in existence–smoked white fish drenched in butter and served with little potatoes and fresh fruit. I dream about it all year.

16. Lights on the tree? Oh, a rediculous amount of lights. I’ve found that an overly-lighted tree is an amazing site to behold.

17. Favorite Christmas song ? The Christmas Song

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel. 🙁

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, and Donner and Blitzen, but do you recall, the most famous reindeer of all?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I haven’t found the perfect thing, so nothing at the moment.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas pajamas get opened on Christmas Eve, and then the rest of the presents on Christmas morning. That has to be the greatest day EVER!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? All the manufactured stress that my mom inflicts. That’s why I hate traveling.

23 Favorite for Christmas dinner ? Cold Finnan Haddie.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? Oh, I’ve got a list!


Forward #2
Here is a fun and quick way to stay in touch.  Let’s see how many I get back…

A) Four places that I go to over and over

1)  The Lab
2) Home
3) Square 1
4) The Fox

B)  Four people who e-mail me (regularly):

1) Mom
2) Dean
3) Jeff
4) Facebook

C) Four of my favorite places to eat:

1) Square 1
2) A really good sushi joint
3) Home
4) In N Out

D) Four places I would rather be right now:

1)  at home
2) at Disneyland
3)at a bookstore
4)at a good friend’s house

E) Four TV shows I watch:

1) NCIS
2) Anything Reality
3) 90210
4)Countdown with Keith Olbermann

Forward #3:

A getting to know you questionnaire

…but are ya brave enough to answer the questions?

1. Tell me something obvious about you: I have strawberry blonde hair


2. Tell me something about you that many don’t know: I’m deathly afraid of making phone calls, but I force myself to on a regular basis.


3. What is your biggest fear? Just giving up because I’m afraid; not doing everything I can to get what I want.


4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut? Depends. I like short cuts, but sometimes the safe route is best.


5. Name one thing you want that you can’t buy with money. The career I want.


6. What is your most treasured possession? My harp.


7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often? I get sloppy with my stuff, and make a mess (just like mom!)


8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don’t know. I like B&D (can you guess if I’m a top or a bottom?)


9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows: I really, really like sex.


10. What is your favorite lie to tell? Sorry I missed your call! My phone was in the car.
11. Name something you’ve done once that you can’t wait to do again: Gone to London
12. Are you the jealous type? I can be, it depends on my mood.


13. What is the one person, place or thing you can’t say no to? Disneyland.


14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you? Bought me a harp.


15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be? Walk right out of my parent’s house and never come back.


16. When was the last time you cried? A week or so ago.


17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered? Last week, when it snowed.


18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on? Matters the circumstances.


19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk. I do so many embarrassing things while NOT drunk, the drunken me is down right polite.


20. If you answered this questionaire, who else would you like to see answer it? I don’t really care.
21. If you lied on any of the questions, which ones and why? None

Foward #4

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate?

Hot chocolate, with Godiva white and dark chocolate liquor, vanilla, marshmallows, cinnamon, orange liquor, and a candy cane.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?

Wrapped of course! One of the best parts of Christmas is seeing a wrapped gift with your name on it, and not being able to open it until Christmas morning.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?

Colored. I love the sparkles!

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

No, but only because I don’t know where to get it easily. I’d love to have it everywhere. So much kissing!

5. When do you put your decorations up?

Day after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?

Finnan Haddie.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?

Waiting breathlessly in the bedroom doorway until 8 am, because we weren’t allowed out until then.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?

Don’t really remember.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

Christmas pajamas.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?

I start by wrapping the trunk with lights, then I wrap each branch with lights, then I put the shiny Christmas balls inside the tree so they reflect the lights, then I put the fun Christmas ornaments on the outside of the tree.

11. Snow: love it or hate it?

Love it! I don’t get to see it all that often, is why.

12. Can you ice skate?

Yes. It’s like slippery roller blading.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?

I haven’t had all my Christmases yet, so how am I to know what my favorite gift is?

14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you?

Sitting in front of the Christmas tree with friends and family and just relaxing. It makes my tummy happy.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?

Pumpkin pie

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Sitting in front of the Christmas tree.

17. What tops your tree?

Nothing.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?

Giving. I love the hunt for the perfect gift, then watching someone I love open it. It makes me so very happy!

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?

A Christmas Song and Silver Bells

20. Candy canes:

Love them, but they always taste best fresh off the Christmas tree.

21. Favorite Christmas movie?

A Christmas Story and White christmas

22. What do you leave for Santa?

Nothin.

Forward #5

1. Do you love Christmas, or just pretend to? I absolutely, totally, and completely love it, more than any other time of year.
2. Now that you know better, what do you say to sweet little kids who look at you with their wide, expectant eyes and ask you if Santa Claus is real? I say “of course!”
3. There will, at some point within the next six weeks, be an item in the news about a council or other government body “banning” some traditional Christmas item such as a nativity play, overtly religious carol or a dogmatic clergyman for suggesting that Christmas is a Christian festival, since this might cause offence to people who aren’t Christians. Do you care? Nope.
4. Would you work on Christmas day for double pay? No way.
5. What’s so special about turkeys? Aren’t they just fat, tasteless chickens? Have you had my turkey? (That’s what she said!)
6. Has the mere fact that the goose is getting fat ever specifically led you to put a penny in the hat of an old man? Nope. Do that all year anyhow.
7. Is anything more sinister than a merry gentleman at rest? Yes. An angry mother when you have to work during Christmas vacation.
8. (Brits) Do you feel incomplete if you don’t watch or listen to the Queen on Christmas Day? Not Brit.
9. (Americans) Do you feel incomplete without the Queen to give you your annual dose of platitudinous moral and spiritual guidance? (Ooo, vocabulary’s coming back, must be the rump steak I had for breakfast). Nope.
10. “A dog is for life, not just for Christmas”. But since the life expectancy of the dog is 12 – 18 years, unless you’re buying a dog for your Granddad (and don’t do that, he wants socks) this almost certainly is not the case. Who can we sue for deceiving us? PETA
11. In Australia, Christmas is in summer. Should this be allowed? Why not?
12. Will you be going to church on Christmas Day voluntarily? Nope.
13. Will you be doing anything on Christmas Day voluntarily? Eat and open presents.
14. It’s Boxing Day, 3pm. You’re in the lounge with your Grandma. Everyone else is washing up, or drunk. Are you old enough now to pretend to be asleep so you don’t have to listen to her blab on and on about how all she got for Christmas when she was your age was an orange and a punch in the face? Yes. And I’m probably drunk.
15. “Christmas has become too commercialised”. At what point was it just commercialised enough? I love Christmas just the way it is.
16. Given absolute power over an entire nation, how would you have Christmas celebrated? With friends and family, and no one telling me that I’m doing it wrong, or someone else is doing it wrong.

I made a Zombie movie!

Well, ok, I was in sort of a zombie movie–you see, the entomology department at TAMU wanted a promotional video, and asked the on-campus film department to make it. They thought “hey, we could make a normal video, or we could make a zombie film!” So they did. I got an email sometime in August asking me if I wanted to be in the film, and if so, so please wear my steel toe boots. Intriguing! Anyhow, here’s the final result, cheesy lines, bad acting and all. Enjoy!

Yep, I watch TV online. Seriously!

Look, I might be watching TV!
Look, I might be watching TV!

So, I’ve had this conversation many times in the last month:

Them, walking into my house: “Hey, your living room doesn’t have a TV. Where’s your TV?”

Me: “In the guest room. We don’t use it much–we canceled cable two years ago.”

Them: “Wha…?!? But then how do you watch (insert random tv show here).”

I then go into a brief explanation of how to watch TV online, and it’s super awesome because I can see whatever I want whenever I want, and I can watch in every room in the house. Neat and fun for me!

Anyhow, the inevitable next question is “Where?” and that takes a heck of a lot longer to answer, so I’ve been telling people I’d write a blog about it. Now that I’ve told a bunch of people that, though, I sure as hell better write a blog about it, now shouldn’t I? Here I go!

Yep, I watch TV exclusively online (even when someone is actually watching TV on an actual TV–that way I don’t have to watch baseball or something stupid. I’m so sneaky!) How do I do it? Sheer force of will! And I’ve spent a lot of time looking for all the shows I want to watch. Here’s the list of places I watch, along with the good and bad points of each:

A&E
Like most network sites, this has both full episodes and clips. I hate just watching clips, so if you scroll to the bottom of this page, you’ll see a list of full episodes.

ABC
ABC likes to bill itself as the first network to offer full episodes online. They have a special episode player, but I’ve found the player is kind of sketchy on my Mac. It works just fine on Vista, though, so as long as you have a PC this will work just fine.

ABC Family
Different from ABC, this has shows for tweens, I think. I don’t care, I love Gilmore Girls. This is another site that has both clips and full episodes, so you have to make sure you click on the full episodes.

Adult Swim
They’ve got a bunch of stuff on here, including Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Venture Brothers (Go team venture!), Frisky Dingo, and Metalocalypse. There’s a bunch of others that I don’t really watch, but may start. Oh, and Ben! They have Boondocks!

Alloy TV
This is getting a lot of press lately since it just signed Whitney Port (of “The Hills” and “The City” fame) to star in its newest scripted series. They only have a few show up now, but I’m thinking this may be the wave of the future. I’ll see if I can’t get into it!

Alluc.org
So this is one of those iffy ones–the sites above all have commercials that are incorporated into the show. This site searches a bunch of different sites that stream video and lists the particular shows. These don’t have commercials, which is usually a sign that it’s not so legal. That and the fact that sometimes a link is down with a “copyright take down” notice. But whatever. I can usually find any show I want on here, though, and that rules. Just don’t click “yes” on any pop ups–that’ll install something stupid on your computer.

Amazon.com
Amazon has just come up with a video on demand service that allows you to download various shows and movies for a small fee (or free for some of them! At the moment you can watch the Walking Dead for free!). You can also sign up for season passes and pre-order shows and movies. There are also some rumors about a ad-driven service that Amazon may offer to its Amazon Prime members, but there’s nothing substantive about that information yet.

America’s Test Kitchen
This is EASILY my favorite cooking show…who knew I could watch episodes online?!? Best day!  They’ve got 10 full seasons of the show up, without commercial breaks. I could spend days watching this, I tell you!

Blip TV
During the writer’s strike, a bunch of actors started doing online work (that was part of the reason for the strike, after all). This site is part of that movement, and has a bunch of original programming.

Bravo TV
Oh, Bravo. When will companies learn that being bitchy about content just makes me not want to watch it? Bravo currently has 5 episodes (count them, 5!) from their shows up. Sigh. Here I am, wanting to support their advertisers, but they just won’t let me! Maybe they’ll get better.

Cast TV
There are sites like this popping up everywhere at the moment! This is another site that trolls tv streaming pages and collects the videos. What’s new about this one, is it includes things like Amazon TV, where you can pay to download episodes. It has a lot of free content as well, but if you want to keep a copy of an especially good episode, you could find where to get it here, legally.

CBS
The network site has a lot of clips, but only a few full episodes, but they tend to be the newest or most popular episodes. Besides, CBS makes their shows available to other sites like Hulu.com or YouTube, so I reward them by going to their site and clicking on ad links and such. They’re shows include NCIS (usually the last two or three episodes), Jericho, The Unit, CSI (and all the spin offs–just don’t let me catch you watching CSI Miami! That show blows goats), The Mentalist (a sad rip off of Psych, I think. Watch the original instead), The Price is Right, and several soaps. They also have short clips from all their shows, but I only like to watch full episodes, so I won’t list them here.

Chiller TV
This is a site that rotates horror tv shows, movies, and web-exclusive content including the Eyegore Awards. They don’t have a stable list of things, but it’s fun to check back and see what’s up.

Country Music Television
CMT has turned to a lot of reality shows, and most of them are available here. You can watch Hulk Hogan’s Championship Wrestling, My Big Redneck Wedding 2, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team 3 (Yep, I’ve watched all three seasons. What?), Gone Country 2, Outsiders Inn, Redneck Dreams (this sounds intriguing…), Made in America, Mobile Home Disaster, Trick My Truck, The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search (this isn’t such a good show, and I keep trying to like it. Just fair warning), and I Want to Look Like a High School Cheerleader Again.

Rachel Maddow
MSNBC has a lot of content online, but I only like watching the Rachel Maddow show.  The new episodes are usually up by 8 pm every evening, and you can watch the whole show or just certain portions.

Crackle TV
Sony Pictures owns this site, and is currently trying turn this into something cool. At the moment it has some stuff on it, but they’re trying to get more classic TV episodes and movies soon. Keep checking back if you don’t see anything you like.

The CW
This is a pretty good site for watching TV, and they have a good number of shows. The only problem is they put up shows a few days after they air, so you have to be careful if you don’t want to be spoiled. But not really that big of a deal. Besides, new 90210! Also: Stylista (it’s a pretty good reality show about people trying to work at some magazine), the new 90210, Gossip Girl, Privileged, One Tree Hilll, America’s Next Top Model, Smallville, Supernatural, Everybody Hates Chris, The Game, Easy Money, Valentine, The Harms Way, 4Real, and Reaper.

Discover, TLC, Animal Planet
These three are together because the networks are owned by the same group and all three share a full episode player. They have a pretty good list of shows, but they all have an expiration date.

DIY Network
I found this through HGTV, and just spent an evening watching Sweat Equity. There are a bunch of full episodes on this page, and they seem to be rotating all the time.

DVice
This is a site powered by SciFi that does reviews on tech products and whatnot. They have some good episodes, and keep them all archived.

Fancast
This is a fan driven site where people upload various episodes. It’s not my first stop to try and find something to watch, but it does have a lot of video, so I tend to just browse here when I’m bored.

Fine Living Network
While this doesn’t have all their shows (Mom just told me about a Martha Stewart one that I want to see. Maybe this will be put up soon). At them moment, FLN has Any Given Latitude, Travel in High Definition, We Live Here, What’s Your Time Worth, Real Estate Confidential, Shopping With Chefs, All-Girl Getaways, Cool Kids’ Parties, Great Cocktails, and Fine Living Specials.

Fox
I think Fox is one of the better sites on which to watch episodes. They seem to have a bunch of stuff up, and I haven’t noticed any expiration dates yet. They also have clips up, but, like I said, I don’t watch them. They are currently playing American Dad, America’s Most Wanted, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, Bones, Cops, Family Guy, Fringe, Hell’s Kitchen, Hole in the Wall (a funny concept, but a boring show to watch for too long), House, King of the Hill, Kitchen Nightmares, MADtv, The Moment of Truth, Prison Break, The Simpsons, TalkShow with Spike Feresten, Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, ’til Death

FX
I don’t think all of their shows are up, but most of them are, which makes all the difference. Right now, they play It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sons of Anarchy, Testees, and 30 Days

GAC (Great American Country)
You can watch new country music videos here. Of course, you can do that at Launchcast (which is Yahoo’s music site) too.

Gossip Girl
For those of you who want to catch up on Gossip Girl, this site streams all the episodes from all the seasons from a variety of sites. Some get take down notices, but I’ve been able to watch most of the seasons so far without any trouble. The newest episodes are on CW, which has a much better quality.

HGTV
HGTV is also a great place for watching shows. They don’t have all their content, but what they do have is good quality and never expires. I caught up on a lot of different shows. They currently have: Color Splash, Curb Appeal, Design Star (all 3 seasons), Designed to Sell, Gardening by the Yard, Ground Breakers, HGTV Dream Home, Hidden Potential, House Hunters, House Hunters Int’l, My First Place, My House is Worth What?, Miles of Style, National Open House, Over Your Head, Property Virgins, Red Hot and Green, Rate My Space, Sleep on It, Spice Up My Kitchen, Summer Showdown, and The Stagers

Hulu
Hulu is the (in my opinion) the end-all-be-all of TV sites. They have contracts with many of the major networks, which means episodes are uploaded quickly and are of great quality. They also have movies and clips from a bunch of different shows. What I really like about them is you can list the shows and filter by full episode, have an alphabetical list of all the shows, have a list by most recently added, or search for anything you like. It’s a very easy site to use and watch, and it’s the first one I turn to every day.

Internet Archive
The Internet Archive is noted for it’s collection of old websites, and now has begun to collect moving images, including movies, television shows, commercials, and propaganda films. Joy!

Joost
Joost really wants to be like Hulu, but just fell short. I think they tried to focus on the social networking aspect of TV watching–you can create a profile and share your favorite videos with your friends, which would be a nice thing to do…that is, if the rest of Joost was any good. The biggest problem I have is there’s no way to filter by full episode, so if I want to find a full episode of any show I have to manually go though all their listings and find the one that has the right length. Their search function is sketchy as well, and only sometimes pulls up what I want to see. I think they put so much effort into the MySpace-esque aspect of the site that all the rest fell by the wayside. Perhaps if they had made it a good TV site first and a friend site second things would have worked. I keep it on my list in hopes that it will get better, because I’d really like to share good shows with other TV lovers (Earl!). Leave it off your list for now, though, unless you want to take hours finding something to watch. If so, add me as your friend and tell me what you find!

L Studio
Once again, this is a place where actors could go to do independent projects. Lisa Kudrow just launched a series on here that is pretty good. The site is all original content, and a lot of it is very engaging.

 

Lifetime

This has a limited number of full episodes and movies to offer, but it’s better than nothing at times. Besides, it has a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Neat!

MTV
Most all of MTV’s shows are online now, and put up pretty much right when the shows air live. Sometimes their player is a bit sketchy–for a few weeks there it kept trying to install cookies on my computer, but eventually that went away. Never let these sites install anything! Stupid sites. They’ve also recently started taking down episodes until after the season is over. So annoying! Maybe I’ll start downloading the shows out of spite.

My Easy TV
I really haven’t explored this very much, but it looks like a pretty comprehensive list of online TV resources. I’ll have to spend a few hours and see how it all works eventually, but I’m looking forward to doing that.

NBC
Most of NBC’s stuff is on Hulu, which is where I tend to watch it, but sometimes they have exclusive stuff on their own site. I check it every once in a while just to make sure I’m not missing anything.

ON Networks
This is an original programming site that includes a show by Amy Pohler of Saturday Night Live fame. They’re getting more and more content, so I think I’ll have to make them one of my regular stops.

PBS
From what I can tell, they have most PBS shows in full length up. They are working on getting all content up, but the site is still in beta. I’m expecting that they will have a really great site soon. I’ve spent a few days catching up on NOVA, so I haven’t watched much else, but I will very, very soon. Go public television!

Project Free TV
This looks a lot like Alluc.org or one of those others, and they seem to have most of the shows I can’t find on Hulu. Yay!

Reality TV Fan
I’ve noticed that some reality shows aren’t up online (it was really hard to find Project Runway there for awhile) and this site captures and posts them the same night they are broadcast. The shows are broken up into 10 minute clips, though, so that can be a bit tedious for general watching. I like the site, though, and I’m able to watch all the best reality shows right on time. This is my second stop after Hulu.

The Research Channel
This is pre-taped lectures on various subjects. You can watch the lectures, or just listen to the audio. Some pretty interesting stuff here!

Revision3
I just found this online-only tv station while surfing my RSS feeds. They have the normal jumble of “what’s new/cool/funny/embarrassing online!” type of content, but also specialize in original shows that are only streamed through the site. I’m starting to follow more and more of these types of shows, and this looks like a great place.

Sci Fi
Not all their shows are up here, but there are a few good ones, and every once in a while they’ll feature a fantastically bad movie. That’s always good for a laugh. They are currently playing Santuary, Ghost Hunters, Scare Tactics, Destination Truth, Battlestar Galactica, Eureka, and Ghost Hunters International.

Sleuth
Not much here yet, but it promises to get better. At the moment they’re playing Kojak, Miami Vice (yep, that one), and Simon & Simon.

Sling
This site is a lot like Hulu (my current fave), and offers a nice selection of TV and film.

Southpark
This was big news when it came out, and it is as awesome as it sounds. Everything’s there! Never miss an episode! Wooo!

Spike TV
About half of their network content is up on the website, but it’s pretty good quality. As soon you click to the page an ad starts playing all loud, though, which is super annoying. At the moment, they have full episodes of 1000 Ways to Die, DEA, Factory, Game Trailers TV, I Bet You Will, Manswers, Murder, Pros vs. Joes, and Real Vice Cps Uncut.

TBS
I dunno–they say they have full episodes up, but they way they have them broken up is weird. I’m hoping they get it turned around soon, although I must admit I’m not missing much. They don’t have too many good things up that I can’t get elsewhere: 10 Items or Less, Frank TV, The Bill Engvall Show, My Boys, Tyler Perry’s House of Payne, Seinfeld, Just Shoot Me, Married with Children, and Blue Collar Comedy: the Next Generation.

TNT
This only has a few shows up, but may add more. At the moment, they have Raising the Bar, Charmed, and Angel, as well as Full-Length Movies.

TV Land

With new original programming and a larger line up of ” classic” shows (i.e. shows from the 80s), TV land has become a force to be reckoned with.

TV Underground
This is another amalgamation site that has a lot of different shows. I include it on my list because it has a bunch of the British shows I can’t seem to find anywhere else. Be careful, though…some of the shows come with a pop up that will install crap on your computer.

USA
This network only has 5 shows up, and they’re all the first season (Starter Wife, Dr. Steve-O, Burn Notice, Psych, and Monk). I’m pretty sure you can also get all of them on Hulu, but whatever. Reward the network!

VH1
I haven’t explored this one much, but it seems like they just have the latest episodes of some of their shows, along with clips from others. If I ever get into these shows, I’ll have to find them on another source probably. This is a good way to find out what shows are out there, though.

Yahoo TV
There are a lot of full episodes on Yahoo, but there seems to be nothing unique about this site versus all the others. You might find something you like here, though.

Well, that’s it (so far). I left off some of the networks that I just don’t care fore (Nick and TV land spring to mind) but if you like those, I think they show full episodes. If you know of any I left off my list, let me know!

Update: So I’ve found some more places to watch–as I find more and more I’ll add them to the bottom here.

Quicksilver Screen
Found this one when I was looking for a place to watch Trailer Park Boys online. They seem to have a bunch of things listed, including movies, which is always a nice source to have.

Fear Net
Just found this one. It specializes in horror stuff, and you can watch lots of clips and trailers, as well as full episodes of some sort of horror genre show,. They also have a few free movies (including Leprechaun 5: In the Hood. Oh yes, they made that) all of which look B-tastic and horrible. I’ll happily watch! Well, I’ll happily watch with the lights on, in the middle of the day, and then sleep with my headphones playing Disney music, but whatever.

TV.com
Apparently CBS has owned the rights to TV.com for awhile, and now they’re finally doing something with it. They are attempting to rival Hulu.com by making deals with several pay networks (HBO, Showtime, etc) for their shows, and using TV.com to post many CBS shows, as well. Given that CBS is notorious for not putting their stuff up online, I’m rather excited by the prospect. At the moment, it just seems to be an amalgamation of clips and episodes, with no real way to sort them effectively (I’m very fond of Hulu’s “new video” sort in the full episodes group. That way I can find the newest episodes, which I know are full episodes. This doesn’t do that yet). They aren’t going to be fully opperational for a bit, though, so maybe it’ll get better.

Snag Films
This is a free documentary site–they have small and big budget things (such as Super Size Me) all streaming, for free. W00t!

France 24
A 24 hour world news site, which covers everything from politics to science from an international standpoint.

Asian Horror Movies
Just found this site, and it’s exactly like the title says–a long list of Asian horror movies. If you’re into that, this is the place for you! (I’m looking at you, Ivan!)

Crunchy Roll
This is a great site for Anime, if you’re into it (or want to get into it).  I may try one of these days…who knows?

Academic Earth
Free video lectures on a variety of subjects, from many prestigious universities. Awesome!

Classic Cinema Online
This site has lots of old movies, and uses the time of year to feature several centered around a theme. I can’t wait until Christmas to see what old-timey Christmas movies I can discover!

Effin Funny
I just found this site by following the epic Felicia Day on Twitter. This has original comic content, and hosts episodes of The Guild! (Fabulous if you know anyone who plays online games). Gonna have to spend an evening catching up on these new finds.

Whose Line Is It Anyway
This is a site with all of the Whose line episodes, USA and British, for free with no pop ups. Thanks whomever did that !!

Current TV

This is a good SciFi page–lots of interesting original programming, and it looks like you can watch most of it online. Hurray!

Awesome!

–Adrienne

Because Dean’s been gone, and I’ve done some stuff…

So since sweetie left for the longest business trip EVER, I’ve been keeping myself busy doing things around the house. I want him to know about it, so I’m posting some photos for him. Read on!

First off, it looks like we have raccoons or something coming into the garage. I found these stashed behind the fridge. I gave what was left of them to Tasha and Dovie. They thought it was the best day ever, what with having two cookies and all.

I started pulling up the small ponds in the backyard, and found this pair beneith some of the stones. Tasha was facinated. I had to wash her mouth out 4 times after she tried to eat the toads. The toads are fine. Stupid dog.

I also found this ant colony. Tasha was also interested in these, but she learned much faster to leave the fire ants alone.

Then the ice maker acted up. I learned that the mechanism that magically runs the ice maker can suck in things from the freezer. Here is the ice maker eating a bag of old feathers I was keeping for my Acarology class. Old feathers make gross ice.

Mao did not want me to read. He’s beginning to put up with the cuddle game quite a bit more. He’ll learn eventually! DJ hasn’t changed much–he’s still annoying as ever at 2 in the morning. Although he is loving the one-person-in-the-bed thing…he doesn’t get kicked at night, and he gets to choose between sleeping at the foot of the bed or taking over a pillow. I also watched him pet-block Mao this morning–DJ was purring next to me, and saw Mao get off the cat tree and jump to the bed for some lovin’. DJ was having none of it, and pounced Mao in mid air, knocked him off the bed, then came back for more cuddles. What a Darth Quarcog move!

Anyhow, back to the outside. I took several days, and many gallons of sweat, to clear out some brush:

Oh, and one of the succulents is blooming!

I’ve repurposed the pavers used for the ponds into edging for our flower beds. I like how it looks…and it was free! That makes it look even better.

I did attempt the horrid task of taking up the fugly linoleum in the solarium, but that didn’t last long. I got two tiles kinda up, then gave up and had some chocolate milk. The milk was good.

Finally, I made the long, long drive to Ikea, and bought beautiful bookshelves for my library. I love my library! Here it is:

I moved my harp to the living room where the cuddle chair used to be:

So, that’s it! That’s what I’ve done for the past 3 weeks while Dean’s been gone. Well, that and run a crap-ton of research, get some fly colonies started, write a few presentations, teach, get my dissertation committee together, go to class, do my homework, and take a few midterms. You know, all that boring stuff. Sweetie comes home on Friday! Woot!